Delivery Style: anecdotal

Anecdotal joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Gorilla and the Lion at the Safari Camp

    A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink…

    The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.

    The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face.

    The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, “Did anyone see a gorilla run through here?”

    The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, “You mean the one that fucked the lion up the ass?”

    The lion exclaims, “Oh my gosh! It’s in the paper already?”

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  • The Amish Family and the Elevator

    An Amish husband, wife, and son travel to the city on vacation.

    While the mother shops, the father and son stand in awe in front of an elevator, having no idea what it is.

    As they watch, an elderly woman slowly walks into the strange silver doors. The doors close, and the father and son watch the numbers light up as the elevator rises… then pauses, and comes back down.

    A moment later, the doors open and a beautiful young woman steps out.

    The son stares in amazement and asks, “Dad… what just happened?”

    The father leans over and whispers, “I’m not sure, son… but quick, go get your mother!”

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  • The Juggler’s DUI Test

    A juggler is driving to his next performance when he gets pulled over by the police.

    The officer spots some matches and lighter fluid in the car and asks, “What’s all this for?”

    “I’m a juggler,” the man says. “I juggle flaming torches in my act.”

    The cop looks skeptical. “Oh yeah? Let’s see it.”

    So the juggler gets out of the car and starts expertly juggling flaming torches on the side of the road.

    The cop stands by, watching intently.

    Meanwhile, a passing couple slows down to watch.

    “Wow,” says the driver to his wife. “I’m so glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!”

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  • The Catholic Dog

    A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he had for a long time.

    The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying, “Father, my dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?”

    Father Patrick told the farmer, “No, we can’t have services for an animal in the church, but I’ll tell you what, there’s a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they’ll do something for the animal.”

    Muldoon said, “I’ll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?”

    Father Patrick replied, “Why didn’t you tell me the dog was Catholic?”

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  • Larry and the Divine Light Switch

    A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal.

    The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

    Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

    “Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

    A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

    “Bonnie…” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

    “Oh for Pete’s sake!” exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

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  • Get a Hobby

    A man is talking to his therapist. “Doc, I feel like I’m wasting my life. All I do is sit around reading fantasy books. Must be my 50th time going through Tolkien. I feel so directionless.”

    The therapist tells him, “I would suggest finding a real hobby. One that gets you out of the house. Try it this week and come back.”

    The man shrugs. “Well, I guess it’s worth a shot.”

    The man goes back the following week and is on cloud nine. “Doc! I took your advice and I’ve had the best week ever. I must have been to a dozen different pubs, I went foraging for mushrooms, and I’ve been on all sorts of adventures.”

    “That’s great to hear. What did you do different?”

    “Instead of telling you, why don’t I show you?”

    The man opens the door and pulls in a little person with shaggy hair, bare feet, and smoking a long wooden pipe.

    The therapist is confused. “What does this person have to do with your new hobby?”

    There’s a long pause before the man replies, “Ohhh. Did you say get a hobby?”

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  • The High-Speed Excuse

    A man is going 85 miles per hour on a motorway when he sees a police car in his mirror.

    He thinks for a moment as the officer is getting closer and then floors it, 95… 110… 140… Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows down and pulls over to the roadside.

    The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places his hands out where they can easily be seen.

    “You were going a little fast there,” the officer says, “but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself.”

    The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied, “Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a police officer. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the mirror, I thought you were bringing her back!”

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  • Penny in Sunday School

    Penny was never the best Sunday school student. She was always falling asleep in class and getting into trouble.

    “Penny,” the Sunday school teacher asked, one dozing day. “Who created the universe?”

    When she didn’t stir, Mark, who sat behind her, poked her in the rear with his pencil.

    “God Almighty!” shouted Penny, and the teacher said, “Very good.”

    A while later the teacher asked, “Penny, who is our savior?” But again Penny didn’t stir from her slumber.

    Mark poked her again with his pencil. “JESUS Christ!” exclaimed Penny.

    “Very well done,” said the teacher, impressed by her enthusiasm.

    Then after she fell asleep again the teacher asked her a third question: “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty third child?” and again, Mark jabbed her with the pencil.

    This time Penny jumped up and shouted, “I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!”

    The teacher fainted.

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  • Satan Meets His Match in Church

    A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

    Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

    Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.

    So Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?” The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”

    “Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked.

    “Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.

    “Don’t you realize I can kill you with a word?” asked Satan.

    “Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man, in an even tone.

    “Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY… for all eternity?” persisted Satan.

    “Yep,” was the calm reply.

    “And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan.

    “Nope.”

    More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren’t you afraid of me?!”

    The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for the last 48 years.”

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  • Two Irishmen at Sea

    Two Irishmen lost at sea — they’d been out there for quite a few days, dehydrated and parched from the sun. They’re just watching the waves, trying to spot land, when one of them looks down and a bottle floats by.

    Without even thinking, he grabs the bottle and wipes the label to see what it is, and all of a sudden a genie pops out and says, “You’ve released me from my prison, so I’m going to grant you just one wish — no more, no less!”

    So the Irishman, without thinking it through, shouts, “Turn the entire ocean into a big vat of Guinness!”

    The genie says, “Your wish is my command,” and turns the entire ocean into Guinness.

    The second Irishman screams at the top of his lungs, “NO YOU IDIOT!!!! Now we have to piss in the boat!”

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