Delivery Style: narrative

Narrative joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Grandpa’s Sexual Decline Through the Years

    A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him, “When you first get married, you want it all the time…and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year…maybe on your anniversary.”

    The young fellow then asked his grandfather, “Well, how about you and Grandma now?”

    His grandfather replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex.”

    “What’s oral sex?” the young fellow asked.

    “Well,” Grandpa said, “she goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, ‘Screw You,’ and I holler back, ‘Screw You too!’”

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  • Panties on the Ceiling

    Melissa came home late from her date. She was tired, so on her way to her bedroom she threw her coat over a dining room chair, threw her purse into the kitchen table, and just threw her clothes all over her bedroom floor without a care.

    Next morning at breakfast her mother asked if she had a good time last night.

    “Oh yeah” she said, “the best ever”

    “I thought so” said mom, “your panties are still stuck to the ceiling”

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  • He’s Not Even A Member Of This Club.

    Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

    He passes the first woman, who looks down at his privates. ‘He’s not my husband,’ she says.

    He passes by the second woman, who also looks down as he’s passing. ‘He’s not my husband either.’

    She says, also not recognizing the unit. He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. ‘Wait a minute,’ she says. ‘He’s not even a member of this club.’

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  • Good Luck Mr Gorsky

    Astronaut Neil Armstrong’s enigmatic remark ‘Good luck, Mr. Gorsky’ during the Apollo mission has puzzled many for years.

    When asked about it decades later, Armstrong finally revealed the story behind his mysterious words.

    As a kid, Armstrong was playing baseball in his backyard when a fly ball landed near his neighbor’s window.

    The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he overheard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at her husband, ‘Oral sex? You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!’

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  • The Man Who Couldn’t Find Her Head

    Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, “you know, we’re starting to get on each other’s nerves. why don’t we split up today. I’ll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we’ll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire.”

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    The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north. That night over dinner, the first man tells his story.

    “Today I hiked onto a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watch deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?”

    The second friend says. “I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I cam across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp.”

    “Wow,” the first guy says, “did you get a blow job?”

    “No,” says the second friend. “I couldn’t find her head.”

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  • Cider for the Pain

    A little girl came running into the house bawling her eyes out and cradling her hand: “Mummy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!” she wailed.

    “Why do you want a glass of cider?” asked her mom.

    “I cut my hand on a thorn, and I want the pain to go away!”

    Confused, but weary of the child’s whining, the mother obliged and poured her a glass of cider. The little girl immediately dunked her hand in it.

    “Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn’t work!” she whined.

    “What are you talking about?” asked her increasingly perplexed parent, “What ever made you think that cider would ease your pain?”

    “Well, I overheard my big sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider.”

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  • Gerbil Mishap in Hospital

    In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil, Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.

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    Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew Kiki Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.

    I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in, he explained.

    As usual, Kiki shouted out Armageddon, my cue that hed had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldnt come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him.

    At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewskis hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbils fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.

    Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

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  • Two Gay Men Have A Happy Baby

    Two gay gentlemen decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.

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    Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the gays’ delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

    Brad exclaims. “All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.”

    The nurse says, “He’s happy now. But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.”

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  • That Big Ape Hasn’t Called

    Two gay gentlemen were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillas and after a while they noticed that the huge male gorilla had a massive erection. This fascinated the gay men so much they couldn’t take their eyes off of it.

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    One of the men just couldn’t bear it any longer and he reached into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabbed him, dragged him into the cage and screwed him for six hours non-stop. When he was done, the gorilla threw the gay man back out of the cage.

    An ambulance was called and the man was taken away to the hospital. The next day his friend visits him in the hospital and asked, “Are you hurt?”

    “AM I HURT?” he shouted, “Wouldn’t you be? That big ape hasn’t called, he hasn’t written…”

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  • Brother After Brother, Vodka After Vodka

    A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman “Give me six double vodkas.”

    The barman says “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.”

    “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”

    The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”

    On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

    The man downed the first drink and shook his head, “Yeah, my wife!”

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