Delivery Style: bait and switch

Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick — A Perfect Match

    Did you hear about the two gay Irish men? They are a perfect match.

    Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick.

  • Sexual Consultant

    A redneck tells his buddy, “Hey, I just got a promotion! I’m the boss’s sexual consultant.”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
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    His buddy says, “Sexual consultant? How did you get that job?”

    And the redneck says, “I told the boss he should fire Jones in accounting. And the boss said, ‘When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.’”

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  • Like a Newborn Baby

    Two retired cops sit on a park bench watching the world go by.

    “You know, Tom,” one sighs, “my health is declining. My legs hurt when I stand, my back hurts when I sit, and my arms hurt when I reach for things. I feel like I’m falling apart! How are you feeling these days?”

    The second guy smiles broadly and says, “Honestly? I feel like a newborn baby!”

    “Really?!” the first guy gasps. “A newborn baby? How do you manage that?”

    “Well,” he grunts, “I have no hair, I have no teeth, and I just wet my pants!”

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  • The Weekend Hunter and the Swollen Eye

    A man leaves for work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home afterward, he spends the entire weekend hunting with his buddies and blows his whole paycheck.

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    When he finally gets home Sunday night, his wife is furious. She spends the next two hours giving him an earful.

    Finally, she asks, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

    He replies, “That’d be fine with me.”

    Monday comes and goes, and he doesn’t see his wife.

    Tuesday and Wednesday pass with the same result.

    By Thursday, the swelling has gone down just enough for him to see her out of the corner of his left eye.

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  • Meeting the Parents and the Dog Named Rover

    A young man visits his girlfriend’s house and meets her parents for the first time. He feels a massive urge to pass gas, so he lets a small, quiet one out. The father immediately yells, “Rover!”

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    Thinking the dog took the blame, the man feels bold and lets out a second, louder rip. The father glares and shouts again, “ROVER!”

    Encouraged that his secret is safe, the man lets loose a massive, loud, stinky blast.

    The father yells, “ROVER, GET OUTTA THERE BEFORE HE SHITS ALL OVER YOU!”

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  • Silver-Haired Lady and the Jigsaw Puzzle

    A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, “Please come over and help me. I have a jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

    Her neighbor asks, “What’s it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

    “According to the picture on the box,” she replies, “it’s a rooster.”

    The neighbor decides to help. He comes over, and she shows him the puzzle pieces spread all over the kitchen table.

    He studies the pieces for a moment, looks at the box, then back at the table.

    Finally, he smiles, gently takes her hand, and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re never going to turn these pieces into a rooster.”

    “Second, let’s make ourselves a nice cup of tea…”

    “…and then we’ll put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”

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  • 90-Year-Old at His Check-Up

    A 90-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 90-year-old said things are great and I’ve never felt better. I now have a 23-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?

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    The doctor considered his question for a moment and then began. I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was setting off to go hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge.

    He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he would not be able to shoot the magnificent creature but, out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it was his favorite hunting rifle and went “bang, bang”. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?

    The 90-year-old said, “If you ask me, I’d say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.”

    The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”

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  • Garbage Can, Not Garbage Cannot

    Garbage Can, Not Garbage Cannot

    JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE TRASH DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T DO GREAT THINGS.

    IT IS CALLED GARBAGE CAN, NOT GARBAGE CANNOT.

  • My Psalms Are Sweaty

    My Psalms Are Sweaty

    My psalms are sweaty
    knees weak, cross is heavy

    last supper is ready
    it’s lord’s spaghetti

  • Addicted to brake fluid

    Sure, I might be addicted to brake fluid.

    But I can stop anytime.

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