Delivery Style: storytelling

Storytelling joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Hooters Every Ten Years

    Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other’s stories.

    At age thirty-two they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch. “Where do you wanna go?”

    “Hooters.”

    “Why Hooters?”

    “They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts, and the gorgeous legs.”

    “Perfect, you’re on.”

    At age forty-two, they meet and play golf again. “Where do you wanna go for lunch?”

    “Hooters.”

    “Again? Why?”

    “They have cold beer, big-screen TVs, and side action on the games.”

    “Yeah, boy! Let’s do it!”

    At age fifty-two they meet and play again. “So, where do you wanna go for lunch?”

    “Hooters.”

    “Why?”

    “The food is pretty good and there’s plenty of parking.”

    “OK.”

    At age sixty-two they meet again. After a round of golf, one says, “Where do you wanna go?”

    “Hooters.”

    “Why?”

    “Wings are half price and the food isn’t too spicy.”

    “Good choice.”

    At age seventy-two they meet again. Once again, after a round of golf, one says, “Where shall we go for lunch?”

    “Hooters.”

    “Why?”

    “They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts.”

    “Great choice.”

    At age eighty-two they meet and play again. “Where should we go for lunch?”

    “Hooters.”

    “Why?”

    “Because we’ve never been there before.”

    “OK, let’s give it a try!”

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  • Your Wife Is Better

    Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, “Heck. My wife is better than that.”

    The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, “You know what? Your wife is better.”

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  • Superman, You’re a Real Asshole When You’ve Been Drinking

    On the 110th floor of the Empire State Building, there’s a bar. It has windows all around the floor so you can see everywhere. A guy walks into the bar one day and notices another guy sitting down at the end of the bar. The barkeeper hands the guy a big bubbling, gurgling, fizzy green drink. The guy drinks it down in a single gulp, looks over at everyone and says, “You know, the wind currents are so strong up here you can just hop out and fly around.”

    Another guy at the bar looks at him and says, “No way, you’re so full of shit!”

    So the man walks over to the window, opens it, then hops out. He flies around the entire building a couple times, then comes back in, closes the window, and sits back down at the bar.

    The other guy says, “Damn, that must be a helluva drink.” So he orders one. The barkeeper hands him the same drink the other guy had, and he downs it in a single gulp. Then he walks over to the window, opens it, looks back at the other guy that did it and says, “Yeah man, I don’t know about this.”

    The guy that did it already looks him in the eyes and tells him, “Don’t be a pussy!”

    So he steps outside and falls 110 stories to his death. The barkeeper turns to the guy and says, “Superman, you’re a real asshole when you’ve been drinking.”

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  • Beat Me Half to Death

    A guy finds an old lamp and gives it a rub. A genie pops out.

    The genie says, “I will grant you three wishes, but there are rules. One wish has to be good for you, two have to be bad for you. And whatever you wish for, your ex-wife gets double.”

    The guy thinks for a second and says, “Alright. For my first wish, I want a million-dollar mansion sitting on one hundred acres, with a safe inside that has ten million dollars in it.”

    The genie snaps his fingers. “Done. And your ex-wife now has a two-million-dollar ranch on two hundred acres with a safe holding twenty million.”

    The guy shakes his head but says, “Okay. For my second wish, I want you to give my ex-wife half of everything I have.”

    The genie looks at him for a moment, then snaps again. “Done. Which means she now has to give you all of hers.”

    The guy smiles. “Perfect.”

    The genie says, “Alright, last wish. This one has to be bad for you.”

    The guy takes a breath and says, “Fine. I want you to beat me half to death.”

    The genie pauses, looks at him, then slowly smiles.

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  • The Ladies’ Tee Box

    A guy is golfing at an upscale course and goes to hit the ball from the red tees. A staff member is driving by in his cart and grabs a megaphone: “Will the gentleman on hole four please move his ball back to the white markers, and not hit from the ladies’ tee box?”

    The guy yells back, “Will the guy in the golf cart please shut the fuck up so I can take my second shot?”

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  • Afghanistan

    The British Army found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.

    The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

    The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.

    The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with £96,000.

    The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old sergeant-major who, when asked where he would like to be measured, replied, “From the tip of my penis to my testicles.”

    It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old sergeant-major insisted, and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

    The medical officer arrived at the barracks in the UK and instructed the sergeant-major to “drop ’em,” which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the sergeant’s penis and began to work back.

    “Dear Lord,” the medical officer suddenly exclaimed. “Where are your balls?”

    The old sergeant-major calmly replied, “Afghanistan.”

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  • Pig!

    A woman decides she’s finally going to get into shape and start jogging. She jogs for several miles and is feeling really great about herself. But then a man drives by, points out the window and shouts, “Pig!”

    The woman shouts back, “How dare you!”

    Then she trips over a pig.

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  • I Am Jesus Christ

    Two priests are walking down the street when a drunk comes up to them, falls onto one of them, and says, “I am Jesus Christ.”

    The priest, smelling the drunk, immediately pushes him off and says, “No, you are NOT Jesus Christ.”

    The drunk says, “Betcha I am. Follow me.” The priests look at one another before the drunk starts pulling one by the arm, dragging the priest into a corner pub.

    The drunk stumbles into the pub with the priests in tow, when the bartender shouts, “Jesus Christ, what are you doing back in here? I told you to leave!”

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  • The Man on the Island

    A cruise ship sails past a small island in the ocean, where a bearded man is shouting something while frantically waving his arms.

    “Who is that?” a passenger asks the captain.

    “I have no idea. Every year, when we pass by here, he goes crazy in exactly the same way.”

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  • The Kia vs. the Rolls-Royce

    A man driving a Kia stops at a traffic light next to a Rolls-Royce.

    The Kia driver rolls down his window and calls out to the Rolls-Royce driver, “Hey, pal, that’s an impressive car. Does your Rolls have Wi-Fi? My Kia does!”

    The Rolls-Royce driver replies, “Yes, it has Wi-Fi.”

    The Kia driver continues, “Nice! And do you have a fridge in there? I have a fridge in the backseat of my Kia!”

    The Rolls-Royce driver, getting irritated, responds, “Yes, there’s a refrigerator.”

    Not backing down, the Kia driver asks, “That’s cool, man! What about a TV? I’ve got a TV in my Kia’s backseat!”

    The Rolls-Royce driver, increasingly annoyed, says, “Yes, there’s a television. A Rolls-Royce is the epitome of luxury vehicles!”

    The Kia driver says, “Amazing car! But do you have a bed in there? I’ve got a bed in the back of my Kia!”

    Frustrated that his car lacks a bed, the Rolls-Royce driver speeds off. He heads straight to the dealership and orders a bed to be installed in his Rolls. The following morning, he picks up his car, and the bed looks fantastic, complete with silk sheets and elegant brass accents. It’s undoubtedly a bed suited for a Rolls-Royce.

    The Rolls-Royce driver spends the entire day searching for the Kia. Finally, late that night, he spots the Kia parked with fogged-up windows. He gets out of his Rolls-Royce and knocks on the Kia’s window. At first, there’s no response, but then the owner pokes his head out, dripping wet.

    “I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the Rolls-Royce driver declares smugly.

    The Kia driver replies, “Did you really drag me out of the shower just to tell me that?!”

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