Delivery Style: storytelling

Storytelling joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • How Long Before I Can Get a Haircut

    This guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

    The barber looks around the shop and says, “About two hours.”

    The guy leaves.

    A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

    The barber looks around at his shop full of customers and says, “About two hours.”

    The guy leaves.

    A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

    The barber looks around the shop and says, “About an hour and a half.”

    The guy leaves.

    The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, “Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.”

    In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.

    The barber asks, “Bill, where did that guy go when he left here?”

    Bill looks at him and says, “To your house.”

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  • Small World on the Golf Course

    Two guys are flying along the golf course, trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but they run into two terrible lady golfers on the 13th hole, who are playing painfully slow!

    The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?”

    The second guy walks ahead, and gets about 50 yards from the terrible twosome, before quickly turning and coming back.

    The first guy says, “What’s wrong?”

    The second guy says, “You’re not gonna believe this, but the woman in the pink is my wife, and the one in yellow is my mistress.”

    The first guy says, “Wow, that’s not good. Let me give it a try.”

    So the first guy gets about halfway there, stops in his tracks, turns and comes back, too.

    The second guy says, “What’s wrong?”

    The first guy says, “It’s a small world!”

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  • Fart Football

    An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, “Seven points.”

    His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old man replied, “It’s fart football.”

    A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

    After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, “Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.”

    Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

    Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, “Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.” Now the pressure is on for the old man.

    He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

    Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

    The wife says, “What the hell was that?”

    The old man says, “Half time, switch sides.”

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  • Increasing the GDP

    Two businessmen were walking down the street, when one of them spots a pile of dog shit on the ground.

    Being bored, he tells the other guy, “Hey, if you eat that, I’ll give you $10k right now.”

    Naturally, he plugs his nose and eats it. As promised, the first one pulls $10k out of his wallet and hands it over. It’s a big wallet, I guess.

    A mile later, they spot another pile. This time, the second businessman tells the first, “$10k to eat that right now!”

    Of course, the first one takes the deal. Easy money, right?

    They continue walking, and after a moment, the first one says, “You know, it occurs to me we both just ate dog shit, and we’re not a penny richer.”

    After a moment, the second one replies, “Yes, but we increased the GDP by $20k.”

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  • Cleaning Up With Change

    A hunter from the East goes hunting out West in Wyoming.

    He hires a guide and the next day they get up bright and early and begin their adventure. At some point the hunter has to use a commode.

    He says to his guide, “Man, I really have to use the restroom. Where is it?”

    The guide cracks up laughing. “Are you serious? We’re in the middle of Wyoming and you’re asking where the restroom is?”

    “Well it’s kinda an emergency,” the hunter says.

    The guide says, “You just hang your ass over that log over there. We’re roughing it today, Sport!”

    So the hunter does his business but realizes there is no toilet paper, so he asks his guide, “What do I use to clean up with?”

    The guide says, “You got a dollar?”

    The hunter says, “I do.”

    The guide says, “Just use that!”

    The hunter comes back with poop all over himself. He was a disgusting mess.

    The guide says, “What the hell, man. What happened to you?”

    The hunter says, “You try cleaning yourself up with three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel!”

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  • Give Her Another Chance

    A blonde pays $1,000,000 to rent a stadium to prove blondes are smart.

    She fills it with 80,000 other blondes and calls one up on live TV.

    She starts with a simple math question.

    “What’s twenty plus three?” she asks.

    The volunteer thinks for a moment and whispers, “Nine?”

    Instantly, the crowd of 80,000 blondes erupts:

    “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

    The presenter smiles, calms the crowd, and tries again.

    “Okay dear… what’s two plus two?”

    After a long pause, the blonde whispers, “Four?”

    Once again, the stadium roars:

    “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

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  • What Happened in Agua Fria

    A gunslinger walks into a saloon and yells…

    “…which one of you lily-livered, yellow-bellied, flea-bitten curs stole my horse!?”

    The room is silent.

    The gunslinger continues. “Alright! Here’s what’s going to happen! I’m going to buy a beer, drink it, and then I’m going back outside! And if my horse isn’t there, I’m going to have to do here what I did in Agua Fria! I don’t want to, but if I don’t get my horse back… you aren’t really giving me much of a choice!”

    The gunslinger gets his beer, drinks it, and walks outside, only to find his horse at the watering trough. As he gets into the saddle, the bartender comes out and nervously asks: “So… what did you do in Agua Fria?”

    “Walked out of town and never went back.”

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  • Five Loaves of Rye Bread

    Two old friends, Earl (80) and Frank (87), were sitting on a park bench one morning.

    Frank had just finished his morning walk around the park and didn’t even look winded.

    Earl was amazed and asked, “Frank, how do you have so much energy at your age?”

    Frank grinned and said, “Simple… I eat rye bread every single day.”

    “It keeps your energy up and gives you great stamina with the ladies.”

    On his way home, Earl stopped by the local bakery.

    The young woman behind the counter asked, “Can I help you, sir?”

    Earl said, “Yes ma’am… do you sell rye bread?”

    “Of course we do,” she replied. “How many loaves would you like?”

    Earl thought for a moment and said, “Better make it five loaves.”

    The baker looked surprised and said, “Five loaves? By the time you get to the third one, it’ll be hard.”

    Earl muttered under his breath, “Well I’ll be… I can’t believe everybody already knows about this.”

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  • Einstein and His Driver

    One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

    On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

    “I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”

    The driver agrees: “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”

    “That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”

    So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

    But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

    The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says:

    “Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me.”

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  • Bear Hunting

    Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

    The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or you let me fuck you in the ass.”

    After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob.

    Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

    The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Bob. That bear was my cousin and you’ve got two choices — either I maul you to death or you let me fuck you in the ass.”

    Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob.

    Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

    The polar bear lets out a huge sigh and says, “Admit it, Bob, you’re not here for the hunting, are you?”

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