Delivery Style: surprise twist

Surprise twist joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Show Him Your Badge and Warrant

    A DEA officer had a tip that a farmer was growing weed and showed up to inform the farmer that he would be searching the farm for illegal marijuana plants.

    The farmer said: “I do not consent to a search without a warrant.”

    At which point the DEA pulled out his badge and a signed warrant and said: “THIS gives me the authoritah to search wherever I want.”

    So the farmer said: “Okay, but stay out of that field,” pointing to a fenced-in field.

    The DEA says: “Then that is where I will start.”

    The farmer just shrugged and went back to work.

    A few minutes later the DEA agent was screaming and the farmer came to see the DEA agent running and diving, trying to avoid being gored by the farmer’s large bull. The DEA agent was yelling for help. The farmer shouted: “SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE AND WARRANT!!!”

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  • When My Wife Comes Home From Work

    A bartender brings a guy a drink and says, “Hey buddy, you look a little down. What’s wrong?”
    The guy says, “Well, when my wife left, I felt a little sad in the beginning. Then I got a dog, bought a Harley, and asked out the pretty neighbor next door. Things were definitely looking better.”

    “Sounds pretty great,” says the bartender.

    And the guy says, “Yeah… but now I’m thinking about what’s gonna happen when my wife comes home from work.”

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  • Killing Time His Name Was Tim

    Killing Time His Name Was Tim

  • Thats the Sheriffs Gal

    A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West. After several weeks there he noticed that the town was populated solely by men.

    He asked one of the local cowboys, “What do you do when you get the urge for a woman?”

    The cowboy replied, “See them thar’ sheep up on th’et hill. We just go git us one.”

    “That is disgusting and barbaric!!” replied the lawyer.

    After about 3 months the lawyer could not stand it any longer. He decided though, if he was going to do a sheep, he would show these yokels how to do it right. He picked out the prettiest sheep of the bunch, bathed her, put a pink ribbon on her, served her hay on a china plate, dressed her in fine lingerie, and then took the sheep to bed.

    After he finished he decided to take his new found lover out for a drink. He wandered into the local saloon with the sheep under his arm.

    The piano fell silent, people dropped drinks, and all the cowboys turned, and stared in shocked disbelief.

    The lawyer said, “You bunch of hypocrites. You look at me as if I’m some sort of freak for doing what you’ve been doing all along. I’m just doing it with more class.”

    “That ain’t the problem,” replied one cowboy. “That’s the sheriff’s gal you’re with.”

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  • Something Soft and Mushy

    So anyway this hillbilly took his girl up to lovers peak. They sat down on a log. After a bit Judi says to Jon, “Aren’t the stars purty tonite?”

    Jon says “Sure is Judi”.

    Judi says “Jon, aren’t the moon purty tonite”.

    Jon says “Sure is Judi”.

    After a bit Judi says, “Jon, whisper something soft and mushy in my ear”.

    So Jon leans over and whispers “Shit”.

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  • We Dont Even Have the Boat in the Water Yet

    There were two old boys from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They’d heard about it up in Canada, and they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, “We’re going to need an ice pick.”

    So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, “We’re going to need another dozen ice picks.”

    Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn’t. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left.

    In about an hour, he was back. Said, “We’re going to need all the ice picks you’ve got.”

    The bait man couldn’t stand it any longer. “By the way,” he asked, “how are you fellows doing?”

    “Not very well at all,” he said. “We don’t even have the boat in the water yet.”

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  • De Duck Won

    The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cock fights being held in the area around LaFayette, and duly dispatched the infamous detective Desormeaux to investigate.

    He reported to his sergeant the next morning.

    “Dey is tree main groups in dis cock fightin’” he began.

    “Good work. Who are they?” the sergeant asked.

    Desormeaux replied confidently, “De Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia.”

    Puzzled, the sergeant asked, “How did you find that out in one night?”

    “Well,” he replied, “I went down and done seen dat cock fight. I knowed the Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight.”

    The sergeant nodded, “I’ll buy that. But what about the others?”

    Desormeaux intoned knowingly, “Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when summbody bet on de duck.”

    “Ah,” sighed the sergeant, “And how did you deduce the Mafia was involved?”

    “De duck won.”

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  • He Makes His Own Lunch

    An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.”

    The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again. If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

    The redneck opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I’m jumping too.”

    Next day — the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.

    The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too.

    The redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

    At the funeral — The Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again.”

    The Mexican’s wife also weeps and says, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas. I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

    Everyone turned and stared at the redneck’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me,” she said, “He makes his own lunch.”

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  • Moo Moo Buckaroo

    Bruce, a strapping hunk of a man, walks into a redneck bar. He walks over to the bartender and says, “Hey there, good looking, I’ll have a glass of white wine.”

    A bit shocked, the bartender replies, “What are you, a homo or something?”

    Bruce, unruffled, says, “Actually I prefer the term ‘gay’. And yes I am gay.”

    “Look,” the bartender said, “This bar is full of redneck cowboys. They hate gays. If you stay there will be trouble.”

    Bruce answers, “I won’t bother anyone.”

    Bartender says, “Ok, but sit over there in the corner and don’t say a word.”

    After a while, a large, grizzly man thunders in and proclaims, “I’m so damn thirsty I could lick the sweat from the balls of a Brahma Bull!”

    A small voice rings out from the corner of the bar, “MOO, MOO, BUCKAROO!”

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  • It Is Your Cow

    Young Dave was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Dave’s porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Dave spied his prize bull doing the business on one of his cows.

    He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Mabel. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, “Mabel, I’d sure like to be doing what that bull is doing.”

    “Well then, why don’t you?” Mabel whispered back. “It is YOUR cow.”

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