Delivery Style: surprise twist

Surprise twist joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Caught in the Rain, Caught in Bed

    A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend, “Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband’s home early!”

    The boyfriend looked out the window and said, “I can’t jump out the window! It’s raining like hell out there!”

    She said, “If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!”

    So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street, he discovered he had run right in the middle of a town marathon, so he started running along beside the others. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could.

    One of the runners asked him, “Do you always run in the nude?”

    He answered, while gasping for air, “Oh, yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running.”

    The other runner then asked the nude man, “Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?”

    The nude man answered breathlessly, “Oh, yes, that way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

    The runner then asked, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

    He replied, “Only if it’s raining.”

  • The Truth About Santa Claus

    I think, deep down inside, little children want to be told the truth about Santa Claus. Why else would they stand in line for an hour just to sit on my lap?

  • Settling Out of Court on the Golf Course

    Two queers were enjoying a pleasant round of golf when a foursome of Hell’s Angels began hitting into them from behind. One queer finally becomes angry and turns to his partner,”If those big bad boys hit into us one more time, Seymour, you fall down and act like the ball hit you very very hard in the head. We’ll just sue those naughty boys.”

    Sure enough, next hole they drove the ball directly into the gay twosome. “Now, Seymour, now! Fall down. Well show them…”

    The Angels walk up to the standing and lying queer and say, “What the hell’s going on here?”

    “You just hurt my friend Seymour really bad, and we’re going to get a lawyer and sue you….how do you like that?”

    The Angel replies, “Oh Blow Me!”

    The queer exclaims, “Seymour, Seymour, get up! They want to settle out of court!”

  • Newspaper Bird Prank Goes Horribly Wrong

    Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked “What do you have under the newspaper, mister?”

    “A bird,” the guy replied.

    The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, “I don’t know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I’m here.”

    Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her “What did you do to that naked fellow?”

    After a little pause, the girl replied, “To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire.”

  • Long Distance Love’s Texting Troubles

    Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college, but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together.

    As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around.

    He didn’t take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and e-mails trying to win back her love. She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now with a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

    So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.”

    Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but, even more, so, he was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome.

    He wrote on the back of the photo the following, “Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money! I’m getting pretty desperate!” and mailed the picture to her parents.

  • # Long Distance Love’s Harsh Reality

    Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college, but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together.

    As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around.

    He didn’t take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and e-mails trying to win back her love. She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now with a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

    So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.”

    Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but, even more, so, he was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome.

    He wrote on the back of the photo the following, “Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money! I’m getting pretty desperate!” and mailed the picture to her parents.

  • His Parking Space

    I’d imagine that one thing worse than finding out Osama Bin Laden is still alive would be him coming back to work to find that you’ve been using his parking space all this time.

  • Condom Saves the Day

    “First,” said the playboy, “I’m going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose.”

    “Oh no you’re not,” said the girl.

    “Then I’ll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks.”

    “Oh no you’re not.”

    “Then I’ll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks.”

    “Oh no you’re not.”

    “Then I’m going to make violent, passionate love to you.”

    “Oh no you’re not.”

    “And I’m not going to wear a condom either!” said the guy.

    “Oh yes you are!” said the girl

  • Future Racecar Driver

    The way my four-year-old really gets into steering when we’re in the car makes me think he might grow up to be a professional racecar driver. And to think I originally just needed him to sit in my lap and take the wheel while I reached back for another beer.

  • Manners at the Dinner Table Apply Everywhere

    The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. “I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, “just as I do at the dinner table.”

    Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” he asked, with a hint of a smile.

    “Yes,” replied the young woman, “much better.”

    “Very good, darling,” the husband whispered. “Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy?”