A man got fired from his job for having sex during work hours. When his boss asked why he did it, the man replied, “I don’t know man, she was just lying there naked. I kinda got the hint so we fucked.”
He was never hired at another morgue again.
Delivery Style: surprise twist
Surprise twist joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Your Son Is an Artist!
A man goes to school to have a meeting with his son’s teachers. He walks into the first classroom and says, “Hello, I’m Giotto’s father. Please excuse me if I sound a bit strange, but I burned my tongue yesterday.”
The teacher sighs and says, “Look, we really needed to talk to you. Your son is struggling. He doesn’t know his times tables, he doesn’t know the American states… he doesn’t even know which state he’s in right now! You really need to have a talk with him.”
“I’m so sorry,” the father replies. “I’ll speak with him tonight. But again, please forgive my speech; I really scorched my tongue.”
He then moves on to the art teacher’s office. “Hello, I’m Giotto’s father. Please excuse my voice, I burned my tongue yesterday.”
The art teacher beams. “Oh, don’t worry about that! I have to tell you, your son is a prodigy. He’s incredible! Just yesterday, he drew a basket of fruit so realistically that all the other children gathered around trying to pick a piece to eat!”
The father nods and says, “I know, I know… yesterday he drew a vagina on the stove.”
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The Elephant Trunk
A man goes to the doctor, absolutely desperate. He says, “Doc, I was in a horrible accident and lost my penis. I can’t live like this, you have to help me!”
The doctor says, “Good news, we have an experimental procedure. We take a baby elephant’s trunk, graft it on, and it works perfectly.”
The man agrees immediately. The surgery is a success.
Two months later, the man brings a beautiful woman home for a date. Things start heating up, and suddenly, the man feels a twitch in his pants. The trunk-penis is waking up.
As they are sitting there, the elephant trunk unzips his fly, creeps onto the table, reaches into the breadbasket, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back under the table.
The woman is stunned, her eyes wide.
“That was… amazing!” she says. “Can you do that again?”
The guy smiles, wincing in pain, and replies, “I’d love to, but I don’t think I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!”
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The Genie’s Wish
A father, mother and child are sitting down to dinner. The boy sees a strange-looking lamp in the middle of the table. He reaches over and rubs the side of it playfully.
A genie appears suddenly. The boy asks, “Are you a genie like in Aladdin?”
“I can grant each of you one wish. You can choose one thing and you will have a lifetime supply. You just go to where that thing is, show me, and voilà! It’s yours for life.”
The mom runs to the car excited and says, “I want a lifetime supply of wine!” The boy screams, “I want a lifetime supply of candy!” The mom then realizes the dad is pulling out in their other car. The mom yells, “Where are you going?”
The dad yells back, “The strip club!”
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Double or Nothing
A certain country was ruled by a dictator who was very paranoid. He rarely appeared in public; he preferred to send one of his many doubles.
One day, an enemy attacks the palace. The survival of the dictator is in question. The doubles await news, trembling in fear. If the dictator dies, they would be no longer useful, and with all the secrets they know, the new regime surely wouldn’t let them live.
Finally, they are called into a conference room. One of the dictator’s chief advisors enters.
“My dear doubles!” he says. “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that our beloved leader has survived the dastardly attack, and so, your services are still very much required.”
The doubles collectively sigh with relief.
Then a big man with an axe enters the room.
“Now for the bad news,” continues the advisor. “He lost an arm…”
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Red Flags Everywhere
I broke up with my girlfriend of five years because I found out she was a communist.
I should have known — there were red flags everywhere.
