Format: short

Short comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Small World

    Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn’t bother to wave the men on through (which is proper golf etiquette).

    After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, “I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”

    He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining, “I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”

    The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back. He smiled sheepishly and said, “Small world.”

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  • Her Story vs His Story

    A man and woman are having a relationship for about 4 months now. One Friday night, they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then go get some food at a local restaurant near their respective homes. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over.

    Her story:

    He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar last night, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late, but he didn’t say anything much about it. The conversation was slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. So we went to this restaurant and he is still acting a bit funny and I am trying to cheer him up and I start to wonder if it is me or something else. I ask him and he says no. But you know I am not really sure.

    Anyway, in the cab back to his house, I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me. I don’t know what the hell this means because you know he doesn’t say it back or anything. We finally get back to his place and I am wondering if he is going to dump me. So I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV.

    Reluctantly, I say I am going to go to sleep. Then, after about 10 minutes, he joins me and we have sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave. I don’t know, I just don’t know, what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he’s met someone else????

    His story:

    Lousy day at work, low on funds, and tired. Got some lovin’ though.

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  • The Difference Between Men and Women in One Paragraph

    The difference between men and women in one paragraph:

    A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells: “PIG!!”

    The man immediately leans out his window and replies “BITCH.”

    They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

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  • I Think My Nails Are Dry Now

    A man walks into a public men’s room. His arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply, fingers spread apart. He approaches another man and asks, “Excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?”

    The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled. He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this, so he complies, unzipping the first man’s pants.

    Next, the man asks him to hold his penis while he pees. The second guy is even more embarrassed, but does as he is asked.

    Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his penis back in his pants. “Oh, I can take care of that.” the first man says, blowing on his fingers. “I think my nails are dry now.”

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  • Quintiple My IQ

    There are three guys enjoying a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting them each one wish. Now one of the guys just doesn’t believe it and says, “O.K., if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.”

    The mermaid says, “Done!”

    Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, “Triple my I.Q.”

    And the mermaid replies, “Done!”

    The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping scientists in various fields. The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends that he says to the mermaid, “Quintiple my I.Q.”

    The mermaid looks at him and says, “You know, I normally don’t try to change other people’s minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you would reconsider.”

    The guy replies, “No, I want to increase my I.Q. times five and if you don’t do it, I won’t set you free.”

    “Please,” says the mermaid, “You don’t know what you’re asking…it’ll change your entire view of the universe…won’t you ask for something else..a million dollars, anything?”

    But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his I.Q. increased by five times its usual power.

    So the mermaid sighed and said, “Done!”

    And with that, he became a woman!

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  • All These Years Ive Been Wringing It

    Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin’s penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

    “Wow,” Gary said. “I’ve never seen one like that before.”

    “Like what?” Martin said.

    “All twisted like a pig’s tail,” Gary said.

    “Well, what’s yours like?” Martin said.

    “Straight, like normal,” Gary said.

    “I thought mine was normal until I saw yours,” Martin said.

    Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.

    “What did you do that for?” Martin said.

    “Shaking off the excess drops,” Gary said. “Like normal.”

    “Cripes,” Martin said. “And all these years I’ve been wringing it.”

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  • The Female Brain Cell

    Once upon a time, there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man’s head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.

    “Hello?” she cried… but no answer.

    “Is there anyone here?”

    She cried a little louder, but still no answer….

    Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled: “HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?”

    Then she heard a voice from far, far away …

    “Hello – we’re all down here….”

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  • Counting Your Ribs

    Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she charged.

    “You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.”

    The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

    “What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded.

    “Counting your ribs,” said Eve.

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  • One Little Weenie

    A man and his wife were gardening in the back yard when the husband looks up to see his wife bending over to pick some flowers. He looks at her rear and then looks at the Webber Bar-B-Q, noticing that they are the same size.

    He says to his wife, “Your butt is as big as our Bar-B-Q!”

    She ignores him and goes back to her gardening. The husband can’t stand it so he goes to the garage and gets a tape measure and measures the Bar-B-Q and his wife’s rear and they are exactly the same size.

    That night in bed the husband starts to cuddle with his wife, but the wife says, “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

    The husband says, “I thought I was gonna get a little tonight.”

    His wife replies, “If you think that I’m going to fire up this Webber Bar-B-Q for one little weenie, you are crazy!”

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  • A Penny for Your Thoughts

    One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband.

    “A penny for your thoughts,” she whispered in his ear.

    “It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50!”

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