Format: short

Short comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Short Notice

    My son’s doctor called in a panic and exclaimed, “You need to get to my office immediately! I have dire news.” Very worried, I rushed over to find out what was so critical.

    When I arrived, he explained, “After a careful review of your son’s charts, I believe that he won’t grow past five feet tall. I’m very sorry to have to deliver this bad news.”

    I ask, “OK, but why was this such an emergency? Couldn’t this meeting have waited a few days?”

    He answered, “I thought you want to know now, although I’m sorry about the short notice.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • The KGB Rabbit

    The CIA, MI6, and KGB decide to have a competition to decide once and for all who are the best intelligence agency.

    They meet on an island in the Pacific and release a rabbit into the forest, and then one by one each of them has to see how long it takes them to catch it.

    The CIA goes into the forest first. They place the most sensitive listening equipment every few dozen meters. They scan the forest with satellites and analyze the images with AI. They pay the birds and mice to be informants. After four weeks, they write a report saying the rabbit does not exist and has never existed.

    The MI6 team goes into the forest. After a couple days with no leads they make a pot of tea and argue about cricket for a week, and then return and declare the rabbit must have escaped to another island.

    The KGB goes into the forest. Two hours later they return with a bear covered with bruises and two black eyes saying: “Okay, okay, I’m a rabbit, my family are all rabbits, and everyone I know is a rabbit!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Who the Hell is Bob?

    There once was a service man who toured the Middle East and married a beautiful little China doll. He brought her back to the states and they were very happy. He always enjoyed looking at her rear end and telling her what a beautiful butt she had.

    Every day it was, “Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have.”

    Every night it was, “Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have.”

    Well his birthday was getting close and she wanted to surprise him with a tattoo on her rear end that said, “Beautiful Butt.” So she finds a reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants. Well the artist asks her to turn around and after a brief pause says, “There is no way I can get ‘Beautiful Butt’ on your tiny little beautiful butt. But I can put a nice ‘B’ on each cheek which will stand for ‘Beautiful Butt.’”

    A bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B’s. Well the big day arrives and after a candle light dinner, gifts, and a sip of brandy, she appears in the bedroom in her birthday suit, turns around and bends over.

    Quickly sitting up he exclaims, “Darling I love you, but who the hell is Bob?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Swedish Massage With a Twist

    A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin.

    A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows.

    “You wanna wank?”, she asked.

    “You bet,” came the excited reply.

    “O.K.,” she said, “I come back in ten minutes.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Worst Timing Ever Beats Wife’s Infidelity

    Guy leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough not to piss his wife off for drinking after work. He gets home and finds his boss in bed with his wife.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Later, back at the bar, the guy tells the bartender the story, “Wow, that’s awful, what did you do?”

    “Well, I carefully snuck back out the door, and hightailed it back here. Shoot, they were just getting started, so I figure I got time for a couple more beers.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Prince Charming’s Pumpkin Problem

    Prince Charming gets very drunk at the ball and ends up staggering out of the palace and into the Royal Vegetable Garden. When the Queen realizes that he’s missing, she sends all the palace guards out in search of her son.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    In just minutes, the head guard finds the errant prince having a jolly good time thrusting his royal dick into a hole in the side of a large, ripe pumpkin.

    “Prince Charming!” cries the guard. “Forgive me for interrupting, but… Do you realize you’re fucking a pumpkin?”

    The prince stops what he’s doing and pulls back to examine the violated pumpkin.

    “Oh, my,” says the drunken prince. “Is it midnight already?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Bachelor Party Disaster Meets Perfect Comeback

    A guy’s getting married on Saturday. Friday night, his friends take him out, get him waylaid, bylaid, rolaid, mislaid, up, down, up, bing, bang, boom, forget it, his pecker is a mangled mess, he doesn’t know what to do.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    He takes two popsicle sticks, puts them alongside his dick, and wraps it with adhesive tape. The next day he gets married.

    Here they are in their honeymoon suite… she walks out stark naked… She says, “Look, honey. Untouched by human hands.”

    He’s gotta think quick… He pulls down his pants and says, “Look! Hah! Not even out of the crate.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Potential vs. Reality: A Million Dollar Lesson

    A son asked his father: “Dad, what’s the difference between potential and reality?” (a question he was asked at school)

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    His father replied: “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”

    The son did this and returned that his mother would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. His father said: “Now go ask your sister if she would sleep with the milkman for a million dollars.”

    The son did this and later replied: “Sis said that she too would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”

    His father then said: “Go ask your brother if he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”

    The son, getting rather irritated, did this. He returned and said: “Ivor also said that he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. I am getting tired of asking people if they will sleep with the milkman. Please tell me, what’s the difference between potential and reality?”

    His father looked at him and said: “This family has the potential to make $3,000,000, but the reality is that we have two sluts and a homo in the family.” That’s the difference!

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Hold On for Eight Seconds

    Do you know what a rodeo fuck is?

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Your wife/girlfriend gets on all fours. You mount up, making sure you have a good grip.

    Then you say, “Honey, you’re the worst piece of ass I ever had!”

    Then you try to hold on for 8 seconds.

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Birds and Bees: No Homework Allowed

    My mother told my father to tell me about the birds and the bees. He took me to Coney Island, pointed to a couple making love under the boardwalk, and said, “Your mother wants you to know that the birds and the bees do the same thing.” –George Burns

    A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it. A boy handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, “My mom says I can take the course as long as there’s no homework.”

    “Mom, I’m pregnant.”
    “How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?”
    “That I should take measures. That’s what I did! I took measures and then went with the biggest.”

    “Sex education has its own special problems,” an instructor in the field pointed out to me. “One of my students has become pregnant, and I don’t know whether to flunk her or give her extra credit.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail