I don’t always whoomp.
But when I do, there it is.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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She Really Means Well
My wife just yelled that I should “fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth filled with water and die.”
I know she really means well.
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Consumed by His Own Pride
Did you hear about the arrogant lion tamer?
He was consumed by his own pride.
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Everything Before That Was a Blur
One of my earliest childhood memories was visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses.
Everything before that was a blur.
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Just Stationery
I can’t figure out why my paper airplane won’t take off…
I guess it’s just stationery.
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Is the Coast Clear
A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 AM.
The wife picks up the phone and replies, “How am I supposed to know? We’re 200 miles inland!” and hangs up.
Her husband rolls over and asks, “Who was that?”
“I don’t know, some dumb blonde asking if the coast is clear.”
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The Irishman and the Ten Pint Bet
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and shouts, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers! I’ll put down $500 to anyone who can drink 10 pints back-to-back!”
The entire pub goes silent. Nobody moves.
Then one Irishman quietly stands up and walks straight out the door.
About 30 minutes later, he returns, taps the Texan on the shoulder, and asks, “That bet still good?”
“Sure is!” the Texan says.
The bartender lines up ten pints — full glasses from one end of the bar to the other.
Without a blink, the Irishman downs all 10 pints in a row and slams the last one down like a champion.
The bar erupts with cheers. The Texan pays the $500 — totally stunned.
He asks, “If you don’t mind me askin’, where’d you run off to for that half hour?”
The Irishman grins, “Oh, I just popped down to the pub around the corner to see if I could do it first.”
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Only 40,000 Miles Now
A woman wanted to sell her car but couldn’t find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked how many miles were on the car.
“235,000,” she said.
Her friend told her that was the problem but said her brother was a mechanic who could roll the mileage back to whatever she wanted.
So the woman went to the mechanic and told him to set it to 40,000.
Two days later, her friend asked if she had sold the car now that the mileage had been lowered.
The woman replied, “Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it now!”
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Before the Crowbar Was Invented
True fact:
Before the crowbar was invented…
…most crows drank at home. -
Words at the Funeral
A man asked a widow if he could say a word at her husband’s funeral.
“Certainly,” she replied.
He stood up and said, “Plethora.”
The widow smiled and said, “Thanks, that means a lot.”
Another man stood up and said, “Bargain.”
The widow replied, “Thanks, that means a great deal.”
Yet another stood up and said, “Earth.”
“Thanks,” she said. “That means the world.”
Another man stood and said, “Infinity.”
The widow smiled and replied, “Thanks, that means more than you can imagine.”
Yet another stood up and said, “Retirement.”
The widow said, “Thanks, my husband would have loved that.”
Finally, one man simply held up a sprig of Mentha spicata.
The widow smiled and said, “Thanks, that’s a lovely scent of mint.”
