Short comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of about seventeen ransacking the place. He grabbed her by the arm and was just about to call the police when the girl dropped down on her knees and pleaded, “Please don’t call the police, mister, oh please!! If you don’t, I’ll let you make love to me and do whatever you want with my body!”
University of North Carolina sex researchers wanted to find out why the head of a man’s penis generally is wider than the shaft. After six years of study costing $950,000, the researchers concluded that the head of a man’s penis generally is wider than the shaft because it gave the man more pleasure.
Mills researchers read the report and didn’t agree, so they conducted their own study. It took a year and cost $975,000. The Mills researchers concluded that the head of a man’s penis generally is wider than the shaft because it gave the woman more pleasure.
A Harvard researcher read both reports and decided to conduct his own research. Working alone, his study took a week and cost 75 cents. His conclusion: The head of a man’s penis generally is wider than the shaft to keep his hand from flying off.
A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him, “When you first get married, you want it all the time…and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year…maybe on your anniversary.”
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, “Well, how about you and Grandma now?”
His grandfather replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex.”
“What’s oral sex?” the young fellow asked.
“Well,” Grandpa said, “she goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, ‘Screw You,’ and I holler back, ‘Screw You too!’”
Melissa came home late from her date. She was tired, so on her way to her bedroom she threw her coat over a dining room chair, threw her purse into the kitchen table, and just threw her clothes all over her bedroom floor without a care.
Next morning at breakfast her mother asked if she had a good time last night.
“Oh yeah” she said, “the best ever”
“I thought so” said mom, “your panties are still stuck to the ceiling”
A fireman was talking to his wife and told her “We have this really good system down at the station. One bell means that we all grab our gear, two bells means that we all slide down the pole, and three bells means that we all board the fire engine and leave. So that’s what we’re going to do around here. When I say one bell, I want you to take off all of your clothes. When I say two bells, I want you to get in the bed. When I say three bells, we start screwing.”
Later on that night, the fireman said one bell, and his wife began to disrobe.
Then, he said two bells, and his wife jumped into the bed.
Then, he said three bells, and they began to screw.
After a couple of minutes, his wife said “four bells.”
The fireman said “What’s that mean?”
She said “The fire is not out and I need more hose!”
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a whore house. When they arrived at the house, the Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn’t going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used “blowup” dolls instead.
