Format: short

Short comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

Everything Is Big in Texas

A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!”

“Everything is big in Texas,” says the bellhop.

The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow, these drinks are big!”

The bartender replies, “Everything is big in Texas.”

After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. “Second door to the right,” says the bartender.

The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, “Don’t flush! Don’t flush!”

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It’s Usually the Mother, Not the Father

My wife was in labor when the nurse said it was time to push.

She gave it everything she had until a fart, which from the sound and stench had obviously followed through, escaped.

She was mortified.

“Don’t worry,” I said, patting her head. “I’ve heard this kind of thing is perfectly natural during birth. Isn’t that right, nurse?”

“Yes,” said the nurse, gagging, “but it’s usually the mother, not the father!”
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Not Much These Days

A clown walks into a bar.

His demeanor is awful. He asks the bartender for a shot, but says he won’t be able to pay for it.

The bartender takes one look at him and decides he needs it.

“Sure, buddy. You look awful. Wanna talk about it?”

The clown downs the shot and says, “My God. Today is the worst day of my life. I’m in town for a comedy show, but my joke gopher was stolen, the show was canceled, my hotel reservation was canceled because of the show, and my bank accounts have been frozen!”

He slumps in his seat and shakes his head.

The bartender pours him another shot.

“Wow, that’s a really awful day. I’m sorry, but what’s a joke gopher?”

The clown shakes his head again.

“Not much these days, or I wouldn’t be begging for drinks.”
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Rose, What Was the Name of the Restaurant?

Two older gentlemen are chatting after dinner while their wives are in the kitchen.

“We had a lovely meal at that new restaurant in town the other night,” said one to the other.

“That’s nice,” said his friend. “What was the name of the restaurant?”

“Oh, what’s the name of the lovely scented flower that grows on a thorny plant?”

“Rose?” replied the friend.

“That’s it.” Then, turning toward the kitchen, the gentleman called out, “Rose, what was the name of the restaurant the other night?”
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The Gynaecologist

A beautiful, sassy lady got into a compartment where three men were seated. They were staring at her. She said if they gave one dollar each, she would show her legs.

Immediately, three dollars fell onto her lap.

She lifted her dress to her knees. Indeed, the legs were nice.

Then she said, “Five dollars each, I’ll show my thighs.” Came fifteen dollars, and she lifted her dress high up till her panties.

Then the bomb came.

“Thirty dollars each, I will show where my gynaecologist operated on me.”

Salivating, the three men gave the money.

A station was nearing and the train slowed down. She showed the hospital next to the station — “This is where my gynaecologist operated on me” — and got off the train.

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Ugh! Again?!
The Donkey Clock

An American man visiting Mexico finds his wristwatch has stopped working. He’s got a flight to catch in a few hours, so he tries to ask a local the time but doesn’t know the language. Finally he meets an old Mexican man sitting next to a donkey who speaks English. “Excuse me, Señor, but do you know the time?” the American asks.

The old man reaches up and grabs the donkey’s balls. He twists them to the left, then he moves them to the right, then he lifts them up. “Sí, Señor, it’s 2:20,” he replies.

The American stands there for a moment, flabbergasted. Then he replies, “Gracias, Señor,” and walks away pondering what he just witnessed.

A short time passes and the American wants to see the old man’s trick again, so he asks him the time. The old man again grabs the donkey’s balls — he twists them left, then moves them right, then lifts them up. “It’s 2:45,” the old man replies.

“How in the hell are you doing that? How do you tell the time with donkey balls?” says the American.

The old man replies, “You see, Señor, I twist them left, I turn them right, then I lift them so I can see that clock over there.”

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Show Him Your Badge

A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash Chaos

“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs,” he said.

I replied, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”

The DEA officer exploded. “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!”

Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out his badge and shoved it in my face.

“See this fucking badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked, no answers given! Do I make myself clear? Do you understand?”

I nodded politely, apologized, and went back to my chores.

A short time later, I heard loud screams. I looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull.

With every step, the bull was gaining ground, and it looked like the officer would get gored before he made it to safety.

So I threw down my tools, ran to the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs:

“Your badge! Show him your fucking badge!”
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Wife Gave Birth – How Soon Can We Have Sex? I’m Off Duty in Ten Minutes

My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”

He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.”
Banging This Hot Chick on Her Kitchen Table – Quick Try the Backdoor

I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open

She said “it’s my husband! Quick, try the backdoor!”

Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don’t get offers like that every day.