Format: short

Short comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Three Stages of Marital Sex

    A young man is getting ready for his wedding with his dad’s help.

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    While dressing, the dad says, “So you’re okay on the sex thing, right, son?”

    “Yeah, sure, Dad. It’s all cool.”

    The dad continues, “So you’re familiar with the three stages of marital sex, are you?”

    “The three what?! Whatever, Dad. I got it!”

    “No, really,” says the dad. “There are three stages of marital sex.”

    “Okay, Dad. I’ll bite. What’s the story?”

    The dad says, “There’s honeymoon sex, holiday sex, and hallway sex.

    Honeymoon sex is what you would expect – you and your wife can’t get enough of each other. You’re constantly going at it.

    But as life gets busy with kids, careers, and bills, the holiday sex stage takes over. You really only have time to get intimate on special occasions.

    Then, finally, you reach the stage of hallway sex.”

    “What’s that?” the son asks.

    “Well, basically, that’s when you and your wife pass each other in the hallway and say, ‘Fuck you.’”

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  • Who Ate the Cleaner?

    Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation.

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    “Well,” says the boss, “if I hire you guys, you have to promise not to eat any of our staff.”

    The cannibals promise they won’t eat anyone, and they get hired.

    Everything goes well for a while, until one day the boss calls them into his office.

    “You’re working well and all, but we’re missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?”

    The cannibals swear they’re innocent.

    The boss believes them and leaves the office.

    Their leader turns to the others and screams, “You idiots! Who ate the cleaner?”

    One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand.

    “You fool!” shouts the leader.

    “For weeks we’ve been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers, and human resources staff — and then you go and eat someone they’ll actually miss!”

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  • You Can Start Right Away

    A campaigning politician was driving through the countryside, meeting his constituents.

    As he passed a farmhouse, he struck and killed a rooster in the road.

    He told the farmer, “Sorry, but I’ve run over your rooster.”

    Reaching for his wallet, he added, “I’d very much like to replace him, of course.”

    The farmer said, “Fine. You can start right away — the chickens are out back.”

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  • Little Johnny Explains What a Gnome Is

    A teacher asks her class, “Who can tell me a word that starts with the letter ‘A’?”

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    Little Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher thinks, I’m not calling on Johnny. He’ll say something like ‘asshole.’

    So she calls on Suzy, who says, “Apple.”

    “Very good!” says the teacher. “Now… who can tell me a word that begins with the letter ‘B’?”

    Again, Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher thinks, I’m not calling on Johnny. He’ll say ‘bastard’ or ‘bitch.’

    So she calls on Stephen instead, and Stephen says, “Balloon.”

    This continues until they get to the letter G.

    Again, Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher says to herself, I can’t think of a swear word that starts with G.

    So she calls on Johnny.

    “Gnome,” says Johnny.

    Very surprised, the teacher says, “That’s excellent, Johnny! It does start with G, which is silent. Johnny, do you know what a gnome is?”

    “Yeah,” says Johnny. “It’s the little shit who lives in my garden and fucks fairies.”

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  • Because He’s My Newt

    A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.

    The bartender says, “Interesting pet. What’s his name?”

    “Tiny,” the guy says.

    “Why Tiny?” the bartender asks.

    “Because he’s my newt.”

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  • The Doctor Clears Her Sinuses

    An old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I can’t stop farting. They’re silent with no smell, but I’ve let out 20 in the past five minutes sitting here.”

    The doctor gives her some pills and tells her to come back next week.

    The next week, the old lady comes back and says, “Doc, I took the pills. The farts are still silent, but now they stink!”

    The doctor says, “Great! We’ve cleared your sinuses. Now let’s work on your hearing!”

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  • The Interpreter Had Other Plans

    A Chicago mob boss needed someone to collect protection money without talking to the police.

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    With cops watching closely, he had an idea.

    “Get me someone who can’t talk. That way, if he gets picked up, he can’t talk to the cops.”

    They bring in Pete — a big bloke who looks mean as hell. He doesn’t speak and communicates only in sign language.

    By the end of the week, Pete has collected $50,000.

    Then he disappears.

    The boss sends two goons. They track Pete down easily, but he just stares at them, expressionless.

    So they drag him to an interpreter.

    One of the goons says, “Ask him where the money is.”

    The interpreter signs it.

    Pete shrugs and signs back, “No idea what you’re talking about.”

    The interpreter says, “He says he doesn’t know anything.”

    The goon pulls out a gun and presses it to Pete’s head.

    “Ask him again.”

    The interpreter hesitates, then signs again.

    Pete immediately folds.

    “Alright! It’s in Central Park, under a tree stump near 78th Street!”

    The interpreter turns back to the goons and says, “He says he doesn’t know anything — and he thinks you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”

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  • Apparently, ‘Anything’ Doesn’t Include Traffic

    A guy is sitting at a bar looking dejected.

    The bartender says, “What’s wrong, buddy?”

    The guy says, “My wife is divorcing me.”

    “Why? What happened?”

    “Well,” says the guy, “my wife said, ‘If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.’”

    “So?” says the bartender.

    The guy sighs. “Apparently, ‘anything’ doesn’t include getting stuck in traffic.”

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  • Pissing Skittles

    Unfortunately, it wasn’t until after I had spent three days eating nothing but beets and asparagus, and downing enough Karo syrup to kill a horse, that I realized maybe it was actually during a dream when I came up with my super-secret formula for “pissing Skittles.”

  • Mother Nature and the Buttercups

    I was out playing golf and sliced a shot into a field of buttercups.

    Just as I was about to hit, I heard a voice say, “Don’t hurt any buttercups.”

    I asked, “Who are you?”

    “I’m Mother Nature. If you can chip out of this field of buttercups without harming a single one, I’ll guarantee you have butter every day for the rest of your life.”

    I said, “Screw you. Where were you last week when I sliced into a field of pussy willows?”

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