Short jokes, long consequences
Witty One-Liners
Witty one-liners, quick jokes, short punchlines, and bite-sized comedy shrapnel for people who want the damage delivered efficiently.
Start here
A few hand-picked stops before you wander through the rest.
Joke
My Grandfather’s Last Words
A grandfather leaves a memorable final piece of advice.
Joke
The Jumbo Sausage
A sausage order gets lost in translation.
Joke
For Drinking
A night in jail sounds different to the man who just woke up.
Fresh chaos in this neighborhood
Joke
A Week Of Names
Monday: GregTuesday: IanWednesday: GregThursday: IanFriday: GregSaturday: IanSunday: GregThe Gregorian Calendar.
Joke
A Walk Past The Restaurant
A Scotsman and his wife are walking past a restaurant. The wife says, “Did you smell that food? It smells…
Joke
What Turns You On More
A wife gets naked and asks her husband, “What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?”…
Joke
At The Dentist
“I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” a woman told her…
Meh Thought
Husbands, if your wife does something wrong
Husbands, if your wife does something wrong, just explain to her how your mom did it. She will appreciate your…
Meh Thought
The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.
The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.
Joke
Every Time I Drink Coffee
A guy goes to a doctor and says, “Every time I drink coffee I get a stabbing pain in my…
Joke
Calling In Sick
A guy calls in sick to work. His boss doesn’t believe him and calls him back. The boss says, “You…
Joke
ISIS Training Camp and a Pakistani Elementary School
What’s the difference between an ISIS training camp and a Pakistani elementary school? I don’t know, man, I just fly…
Meh Thought
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
Meh Thought
The Teaspoon
The invention of the teaspoon caused quite a stir.
Meh Thought
As Close As I’m Allowed to Get
I tried to come up with a joke about restraining orders. But this is as close as I’m allowed to…
