Story joke jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it.
A man went to a whorehouse to get some practice performing oral sex on his old lady. The woman at the front desk gave him a key and told him to go to room 319. He went in and there he saw his lady of the evening. He told her why he was there and she gave him a few pointers and told him to get down to it.
A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, “I played on my college’s golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?” No one wants to say ‘yes’, but they’re on the spot…
Finally, one man says, “Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m.”
He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, “Okay.”
She’s there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.
She’s fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed.
They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.
She smiles, and says, “I’ll be there at 6:30, or 6:45.”
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp.
Only this time, she plays left-handed.
The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.
They’re totally amazed.
They can’t figure her out.
She’s very pleasant and a gracious winner.
They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she’s 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.
This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them.
The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part.
However, she’s so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can’t hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.
They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”
The lady blushes, and grins. “When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned that I was ambidextrous.” she replies. “I like to switch back and forth.”
“When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed.”
The guys think this is hysterical.
Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, “What if it’s pointing straight up?”
She says, “Then, I’m fifteen minutes late.”
There once was a service man who toured the Middle East and married a beautiful little China doll. He brought her back to the states and they were very happy. He always enjoyed looking at her rear end and telling her what a beautiful butt she had.
Every day it was, “Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have.”
Every night it was, “Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have.”
Well his birthday was getting close and she wanted to surprise him with a tattoo on her rear end that said, “Beautiful Butt.” So she finds a reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants. Well the artist asks her to turn around and after a brief pause says, “There is no way I can get ‘Beautiful Butt’ on your tiny little beautiful butt. But I can put a nice ‘B’ on each cheek which will stand for ‘Beautiful Butt.’”
A bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B’s. Well the big day arrives and after a candle light dinner, gifts, and a sip of brandy, she appears in the bedroom in her birthday suit, turns around and bends over.
Quickly sitting up he exclaims, “Darling I love you, but who the hell is Bob?”
A guy’s getting married on Saturday. Friday night, his friends take him out, get him waylaid, bylaid, rolaid, mislaid, up, down, up, bing, bang, boom, forget it, his pecker is a mangled mess, he doesn’t know what to do.
