Penny was never the best Sunday school student. She was always falling asleep in class and getting into trouble.
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Unleash ChaosJoke Type: story joke
Story joke jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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The Ghost Car on a Dark Rainy Night
Bill was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a fierce rain storm.
The night was rolling on, and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few meters ahead of him.
Suddenly through the swirling rain Bill saw a car slowly coming towards him and as it drew level with him, it stopped.
Desperate for shelter and without really thinking about what he was doing, Bill got into the back seat of the car and closed the door.
That was when he realized there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn’t even on.
Mysteriously and soundlessly, the car started moving slowly forward. Bill looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Now he was scared, and he began to fear for his life.
But just before he reached the curve, a ghostly hand appeared through the window of the car, and turned the steering wheel.
Bill, paralyzed with terror, watched how the hand appeared every time they came to a curve.
When he saw the lights of a pub down the road, Bill gathered all his courage and strength, jumped out of the car and ran to the pub.
Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of whiskey. Shaking and half crying, he began telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just been through.
A silence enveloped everybody when they realized he wasn’t drunk but was for real.
About 10 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub. They were also wet, and were out of breath.
Looking around and seeing Bill sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, “Hey Bruce… that’s the idiot who got in the car while we were pushing it.”
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The Snail at the Door
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door…
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
A year later, there’s another knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, “Have I upset you?”
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A Quiet Night in the Parking Spot
A cop was patrolling at night in a well known area for “parking.” He saw a couple in a car, with the interior light on. He got closer to the car and saw a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting.
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Id Like to Be Eight Again
A man was sitting on the side of the bed watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked her what she would like as a gift.
“I’d like to be eight again,” she said, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her birthday, he rose early, made her a bowl of Frosted Flakes, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park… the death slide, the wall of fear, the screaming roller coaster… just to name a few.
Five hours later, they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling, and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate milkshake.
Then it was off to a movie with popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s! What a fabulous adventure!
Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and fell into bed, exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile, “What was it like to be eight again?”
She opened her eyes, and her expression suddenly changed.
“I meant my dress size, you idiot!”
Moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he’s going to get it wrong.
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The Siberian Coal Miner and the Wheelbarrow
Back in Soviet Russia there was a man working in a Siberian coal mine.
Every Friday he would take a wheelbarrow full of dirt home and the security guard would stop him, make him dump out the dirt and sift through it searching for coal or other stolen valuables.
The security guard never found anything so he’d let the man reload the dirt and go home.
This went on for 25 years until the man was finally allowed to retire.
On his last day the security guard said, “I know you’ve been smuggling something out of here all of these years. Please, just tell me what it was.”
The man replied with a sly wink, “Wheelbarrows.”
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She Got in the Back Seat by Mistake
An elderly Floridian calls 911 to report that her car has been broken into.
She is hysterical as she explains the situation to the dispatcher:
“They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!”
“Stay calm,” says the dispatcher. “An officer is on the way.”
A few minutes later, the officer radios in:
“Disregard. She got in the back seat by mistake.”
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Irish Viagra
An Irish woman of a certain age went to see her doctor and asked if there was anything he could prescribe to help revive her husband’s love life.
“Have you tried Viagra?” the doctor asked.
“Not a hope,” she replied. “The man won’t even take a paracetamol.”
“No problem,” said the doctor. “Try what we call ‘Irish Viagra.’ Slip a tablet into his coffee. He’ll never notice it. Give it a go and ring me next week to let me know how you get on.”
Well, she didn’t even last the week before calling him back.
“Doctor!” she cried. “Faith and begorrah, it was awful! Absolutely terrible!”
“Really?” the doctor asked. “What happened?”
“Well, I did exactly what you said and dropped the tablet into his coffee. The effect was nearly instant. He leapt to his feet with a wild sparkle in his eye and his trousers bulging like a circus tent!”
The doctor said, “Good heavens.”
“Before I knew it, he swept the cups clean off the table, tore me clothes clean off me back, and took me there and then, right on the tabletop!”
“So why was it so terrible?” asked the doctor. “Was the sex not good?”
“Good?” she shouted. “It was the best sex I’ve had in twenty-five years!” She paused dramatically.
“But I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!”
