Sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s too much — ’cause you’ve put on quite a few pounds, there, baby.
Meh Thoughts
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External Combustion Engine
I wonder how many limbs the guys who invented the external combustion engine lost before they decided to go with the internal idea.
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Folgers Crystals for the Blood Bank
I’ve been saving up all my picked-off scabs in little bags, just in case the local blood bank needs some Folgers crystals.
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Selling Me a Bridge
My dentist must think I’m incredibly gullible; he keeps trying to sell me a bridge.
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Where Did the Creator of The Jetsons Go
Whenever I’m stuck in traffic, I can’t help but wonder, “Where did the creator of ‘The Jetsons’ go, and why hasn’t he done something about this?”
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Smothered Chicken
As my husband ordered the smothered chicken, I thought to myself, “Boy, it sure took a sick bastard to discover the meat had a special flavor when oxygen-deprived.”
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Nguyen-Nguyen Situation
My boss decided to hire two Vietnamese brothers instead of one.
It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.
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My Dog Is Really Smart
My dog is really smart.
I asked him, “What’s two minus two?”
He said nothing.
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Where I Draw the Line
I do a lot of illegal things…
But graffiti is where I draw the line.
