Meh Thoughts: Dark Shower Thoughts & One-Liners

If you ask me, Hallmark’s missing out on the untapped “Happy

If you ask me, Hallmark’s missing out on the untapped “Happy MILF Day” card market.

Nothing says “Good morning” like bleeding ‘rhoids

Nothing says “Good morning” like bleeding ‘rhoids.

Laughter cures everything. Unless you have a phobia about

Laughter cures everything. Unless you have a phobia about someone being amused by the sight of your tiny dick.

The power of language is amazing. For instance, the one-letter

The power of language is amazing. For instance, the one-letter difference between “pastries” and “pasties” was enough to get me permanently banned from every Dunkin’ Donuts in North America.

My new social networking site seems to be attracting an awful

My new social networking site seems to be attracting an awful lot of lesbians. Perhaps I should change the name to something other than “Clitter.”

I’m always glad the Wal-Mart security guards smile when they see

I’m always glad the Wal-Mart security guards smile when they see me coming in the store. Otherwise, what would be the point of humping the dressing room mirror?

sure he means that he likes my huge tits

sure he means that he likes my huge tits.

I’m not a fan of trite sayings, but “It’s not who you know, it’s

I’m not a fan of trite sayings, but “It’s not who you know, it’s who you blow” sure got me a lot of Girl Scout merit badges.

I’m a lot like Sheryl Crow, ’cause all I wanna do is have some

I’m a lot like Sheryl Crow, ’cause all I wanna do is have some fun. I don’t, however, want to bang that bike-racing dude with one nut.

I heard Houdini was great at coming out of a box when you least

I heard Houdini was great at coming out of a box when you least expected it. Big deal — sounds like every man I ever dated.

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