Meh Thoughts: Dark Shower Thoughts & One-Liners

Embracing the Average: A Surprising Truth

Half of the people you know are below average.

I’ve had a lot of average students.

But none of them have been as mean as the ones I have this year.

A man meets a genie who grants him three wishes, but warns him: whatever he asks for, his ex-wife gets twice as much.

“Well,” says the man, “for my first wish, beat me half to death.”

I’ve decided that cremation is the only way I’m going to get a smoking hot body.

Blood donation centers ask way too many questions:

“Where’d you get it?”
“Whose blood is it?”
“Why is it in a bucket?”

Donate a kidney and you’re a hero.

Donate three and it’s nothing but questions.

I tried to donate a kidney but they kept asking where I got it from…

So when they burn a body at the crematorium, it’s “a respectful farewell to the departed.”

But when I do it, it’s “destroying evidence.”

My neighborhood barber was just arrested for selling drugs.

I was a customer for seven years. I never knew he was a barber.

I got fired because my boss said I was handing out too many free samples.

That’s the last time I get a job at a sperm bank.