I was having a good laugh mocking that guy at the biker bar about his cheesy barbed wire tattoo — until I realized it wasn’t a tattoo.
Meh Thoughts
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If you try to hand a woman something that’s enclosed in your fist, she’ll always think
If you try to hand a woman something that’s enclosed in your fist, she’ll always think you’re about to hand her a bug. Even if you’ve known her for years and never tried to give her a bug before. They never let their guard down when it comes to being handed a bug.
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I’ve heard about this “Speed Dating,” where a guy and a girl meet for 10 minutes and
I’ve heard about this “Speed Dating,” where a guy and a girl meet for 10 minutes and then move on to the next person. Sounds great, but if you have sex, what do you do for the other six minutes?
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I was never a great athlete, but I do hold one record: I was hit by a pitch 39 times in
I was never a great athlete, but I do hold one record: I was hit by a pitch 39 times in a single season. It was 30 years ago, but it still stands as the T-ball record.
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Women are so fickle.
Women are so fickle. My wife she told me that we should live every day like it’s our last, then she complains about how I spend every day smoking crack and banging her sister.
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Whoever said “Babies don’t come with an instruction manual” obviously never purchased
Whoever said “Babies don’t come with an instruction manual” obviously never purchased one on the Internet.
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A bad meeting is one in which they spread fifteen minute’s worth of information over an
A bad meeting is one in which they spread fifteen minute’s worth of information over an hour-and-a-half. A good meeting is when they also bring donuts.
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I hate that dream where you have to pee really bad and you wake up and have to run to
I hate that dream where you have to pee really bad and you wake up and have to run to the bathroom before you pee all over yourself. But it’s still better than the one where you dream you’re stranded alone on an island and you have to remove your own appendix before it bursts and you wake up and have to run to the ER before you bleed to death. I REALLY hate that one.
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If celebrity deaths do come in threes, I’m hoping that June Cleaver and Howard
If celebrity deaths do come in threes, I’m hoping that June Cleaver and Howard Cunningham will soon be dispensing pearls of heavenly sitcom wisdom to *anyone* from the cast of “Jersey Shore.”
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You know you’re not a fashionista when you look at a piece and think, “On what part of
You know you’re not a fashionista when you look at a piece and think, “On what part of your body do you put that?”
