I’m thinking PBS would come out WAY ahead if they let me play the music and let James Taylor and Carole King make the donations.
Meh Thoughts
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My research aimed to combine the 11 dimensions of current string theory with the 29
My research aimed to combine the 11 dimensions of current string theory with the 29 compatibility dimensions of eHarmony into a new theory of evolutionary human sexuality. Or it *would* have if the MacArthur Foundation hadn’t withdrawn support of my research grant after I included various brothels on the list of required lab facilities.
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I should have read the label more carefully; it turns out when you buy “low fat” food
I should have read the label more carefully; it turns out when you buy “low fat” food products, all they do is move your cellulite to your ankles.
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My wife ripped me a new one after she found out I peed in the shower.
My wife ripped me a new one after she found out I peed in the shower. Now I’ve got to get out of the house before she sees what I did in the bathtub.
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I think it’s pretty pointless to pee in the shower to save water by flushing the toilet
I think it’s pretty pointless to pee in the shower to save water by flushing the toilet less. The real savings are generated by BATHING in the toilet.
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Can you buy those hotel “Do not disturb” signs?
Can you buy those hotel “Do not disturb” signs? I want one to wear as a necklace.
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I’m sure Bobby McFerrin never could have envisioned that so many people would listen to
I’m sure Bobby McFerrin never could have envisioned that so many people would listen to “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” and immediately feel the urge to strangle the person next to them.
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On a really long car trip, I was having the best dream about being in the spotlight
On a really long car trip, I was having the best dream about being in the spotlight accepting some kind of award. Then some bitch going the right way on the freeway had to blow her horn and wake me up.
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She didn’t have any super powers; but with a name like “Commander Crotch Punch,” I
She didn’t have any super powers; but with a name like “Commander Crotch Punch,” I suspect she really didn’t need them.
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Last night I took a long look in the mirror, and I realized I desperately needed to make
Last night I took a long look in the mirror, and I realized I desperately needed to make a change in my life. So first thing this morning, I got up, drove to the store and bought myself a new mirror.
