I am not getting fat. I am simply carb-loading for the “Father of Teens” marathon that will be my life for the next decade or so.
Meh Thoughts
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Etsy: Proof we really need waiting periods and background checks before letting someone
Etsy: Proof we really need waiting periods and background checks before letting someone buy a glue gun.
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My mother always told me there would be days like this.
My mother always told me there would be days like this. I found it very annoying, because she never gave us a “spoiler warning” before telling us stuff like that. Sometimes it’s nice to be surprised.
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I recently entered the National Pathological Liars Contest — and WON!
I recently entered the National Pathological Liars Contest — and WON! Then again, all the entrants claimed they won.
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The good news: I passed my sobriety test!
The good news: I passed my sobriety test! The bad news: I was so happy, I tried to hug the cop and I got tased.
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Is it a good or bad thing to have a breakout session during a dermatology conference?
Is it a good or bad thing to have a breakout session during a dermatology conference?
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When I’m at Wal-Mart and see all those products that are allegedly made by children, I
When I’m at Wal-Mart and see all those products that are allegedly made by children, I get depressed. My kids can’t even make their own beds.
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I was so excited to finally earn my mile-high club card, until it dawned on me that I’d
I was so excited to finally earn my mile-high club card, until it dawned on me that I’d booked my flight on Virgin Airlines. Dammit!
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Something I won’t miss from my younger days: inappropriate boners.
Something I won’t miss from my younger days: inappropriate boners. Something I’ll miss from my younger days: appropriate boners.
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I cried because I had no foreskin, until I met a man who had no penis.
I cried because I had no foreskin, until I met a man who had no penis. On second thought, maybe that was a lady.
