John runs into his old friend Gary, who looks like he’s been beaten by a thousand fists.
Now Gary is the nicest guy ever; it’s hard to imagine anyone getting mad at him, let alone beating him so savagely.
I asked, “What happened?!?!”
He explained, “Well, I was on the escalator, and the lady in front of me was wearing a pretty skirt, but it had bunched up between her cheeks, so I gently pulled it out. Then she turned around and slapped me.”
“Wow! Maybe you should have just let it be, but it looks like you got more than just slapped.”
“I know! I knew I messed up, and I felt bad, so when she turned around, I started poking it back in…”
Tone: absurd
Absurd jokes, weird logic, surreal memes, and nonsense that somehow files taxes from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Gary got beat up
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Cheese Wheel Tragedy: A Wedding Day Disaster
A wedding photographer was today tragically crushed by a 200lb wheel of cheese that fell off the catering truck.
The guests all tried to warn him. -
Stuck in Ink: An Invisible Emergency!
I accidentally swallowed a bottle of invisible ink.
Now I am in the ER waiting to be seen.
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Diarrhea Awareness Week: Knowledge is Power!
Diarrhea Awareness starts on Monday.
Runs through Friday.
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Dark Humor: The Baby Float Recipe!
How do you make a dead baby float?
One can of root beer, one scoop of vanilla, and two scoops of dead baby.
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A man dies in his sleep
A man comes home extremely drunk, goes straight to bed, and falls asleep.
That night, he dies in his sleep.
In the afterlife, an angel greets him and explains what happened. The man is devastated. He tells the angel he still has so much to do in life, regrets drinking so much, and swears that if he’s sent back, he’ll never drink again and will live a healthy life.
The angel says it’s impossible.
After a lot of begging, though, the angel says there is one option: he can return to Earth as a chicken.
The man thinks, “Well, that’s still better than being dead,” and agrees.
He wakes up on a large farm, surrounded by dozens of chickens. He walks around a bit, eats some feed, and even nods at a few other chickens.
Suddenly, he feels an intense pressure in his stomach.
He asks the chicken next to him what’s happening.
The chicken says, “Relax. It’s just an egg. Push as hard as you can and lay it.”
So he starts pushing with all his strength. He feels something moving inside him, slowly making its way out…
Just as it’s about to come out, his wife wakes him up and yells:
“Wake up, you idiot! You’re shitting the bed!”
