When my wife sends me to the supermarket to get cucumbers I also buy Vaseline so the cashier doesn’t think that I’m a vegan.
Delivery Style: anecdotal
Anecdotal joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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KFC 11 Herbs Spices
The KFC twitter account only follows 11 people. The 5 spice girls and 6 guys named herb. This is because of their secret blend of 11 herbs and spices. The first person to notice and point this out was sent a painting of himself holding a drumstick while riding piggyback on the Colonel.
YUP
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I Can Tell By the Voice
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?” I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled…
“It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
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Caught In Bed With My Board
These two guys had just gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, “Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year.”
The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. The guys said, “What’s that board for?”
The trader said, “Well, where you’re going there are no women and you might need this.”
They said, “No way! We’ve sworn off women for life!”
The trader said, “Well, take the boards with you, and if you don’t use them I’ll refund your money next year.”
“Okay,” they said and left.
Next year this guy came into the trader’s store and said, “Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year.”
The trader said, “Weren’t you in here last year with a partner?”
“Yeah,” said the guy.
“Where is he?” asked the trader.
“I shot him,” said the guy.
“Why?”
“I caught him in bed with my board.”
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Catch a Coyote at His Age
This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it.
“Oh my God!” she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law. She sees the local sheriff’s car parked in front of the town bar.
“It figures,” she says as she storms inside.
The first thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner jacking off.
She runs up to the sheriff who’s sitting at the bar with his drink. “What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into town and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal… and then… I come in here… and see this old man in the corner jacking off right in public!”
“Well, ma’am,” the sheriff slowly replies, “You don’t expect him to catch a coyote at his age, do ya?”
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We’ve All Got It
“Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”
“Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”
“But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”
“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.
“Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.”
“Oh crap!” the physician roared. “That means we’ve all got it!”
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Daddy Longlegs Stomps Out Gay Spiders
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy longlegs,” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.
“Well, we’re not having THAT sort of thing in OUR garden!”
