Anecdotal joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
I rode my bicycle to buy alcohol.
I bought a whiskey and was about to ride home, but I thought, what if I fall off my bike and the bottle breaks?
I decided then and there I’d drink it all up before I rode home. Good thing I did, because I fell off my bicycle seven times.
An elderly Jewish man is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers, “Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?”
And Sarah says, “Yes, I am here.”
He then says, “Are my children—my wonderful children—here with me?”
And they reply, “Yes, Father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last.”
And he says, “And my beautiful grandchildren… are they here with me as well?”
And they too tell him that they are here.
The old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, “If everybody is here… why is the light on in the kitchen?”
A captain in the Foreign Legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour, he noticed a very old, seedy-looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”
The sergeant replied, “Well, sir, it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.”
The captain said, “Well, if it’s good for morale, then I guess it’s all right with me.”
After he had been at the fort for about six months, the captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his sergeant, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!”
The sergeant shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captain’s quarters. The captain got a footstool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped down from the stool, satisfied, and was buttoning his pants, he asked the sergeant, “Is that how the enlisted men do it?”
The sergeant replied, “Well, sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.”
Three nuns were sitting on a bench in the park when a man ran up and flashed them.
Two of the nuns had a stroke. The third couldn’t reach.
A boy and his father are walking in the park.
The boy sees a male dog mounting a female dog. He asks his dad, “Dad, what are they doing?”
Dad thinks for a second and says, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.”
This satisfies the boy’s curiosity, and they finish their walk.
Later that night, the boy gets up for a drink of water. He passes his parents’ room, and they’ve carelessly left the door ajar. They’re face-to-face in the throes of passion.
The little boy asks, “Dad, what are you and Mommy doing?”
The startled dad hesitates for a second, looks up, and says, “Well, son, we’re making you a baby brother.”
And the kid says, “Well then, can you turn Mommy over? I’d rather have a puppy.”
I asked my best friend to be my wingman and boast about me while I was talking to a girl I like.
It backfired horribly when he told her I’m the best sex he ever had.
My wife and I were discussing our eventual deaths…
I said my worst fear was dying alone, and that I wanted the last thing I hear to be her telling me she loves me.
She gave me a big hug, said, “I love you,” and then waited.
After a couple of seconds, she shook her head and said, “Well, that didn’t work.”
There was a safety meeting at work today…
They asked me, “What steps would you take in case of a fire?”
“Big fucking steps.”
Evidently, that was NOT the answer.
