Delivery Style: buildup

Buildup joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Do You Have a Weedeater

    Two Tennessee rednecks decided they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

    Bubba turns to Billy Ray and says, “Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes.”

    Billy Ray really doesn’t think very much, but says that he’ll go along for the ride.

    The next day, Bubba and Billy Ray go down to the Community College, and Bubba meets the Admissions Counselor. After a short discussion, the Counselor signs Bubba up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

    “Logic?” Bubba says. “What the heck is that?”

    Well, the Counselor says, “I’ll show you. Do you own a weedeater?”

    “Yeah, I sure do,” says Bubba.

    “Then I can assume, using logic, that because you own a weedeater, you must have a yard,” replied the Counselor.

    “Hey, that’s really good!” replied Bubba.

    The Counselor continued, “Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also probably own a house.”

    Impressed, the redneck said, “That’s amazing, yes, I do have a house!”

    “And because you have a house, and a yard, you might also logically have a family,” said the Counselor.

    “Hey, this is some good stuff! Yes, I do have a family!” says Bubba.

    The Counselor said, “I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife.”

    “Yes, I sure do have a wife, her name is Betty Sue,” said Bubba.

    The redneck was starting to catch on.

    “Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are probably heterosexual,” said the Counselor.

    “You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thing I ever heard, figuring all that out ’cause I own a weedeater! I can’t wait to take this logic class!” said Bubba.

    The redneck, so proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Billy Ray was waiting.

    “So what classes are ya takin’?” asked Billy Ray.

    “Math, English, History, and Logic!” replied Bubba.

    “Logic?” Billy Ray says. “What’s that?”

    Bubba says, “I’ll show you. Do you have a weedeater?”

    “No.”

    Perplexed, Bubba ponders for a moment, then says, “Then you’re homosexual, ain’t ya.”

  • May I Speak to Mr. Green

    A receptionist at a law office picks up the phone…

    “Can I speak to Mr. Green, please?” a little voice at the other end asks.

    “Oh, I’m sorry,” the receptionist says, “Mr. Green died last week.”

    “Thank you.” The little voice then hangs up.

    The next day, the phone rings again. The same little voice asks, “May I speak to Mr. Green, please?”

    The receptionist says, “I’m pretty sure you called yesterday, and I told you that Mr. Green is dead.”

    “Thank you.” The little voice responds again, then hangs up.

    The next day, the phone once again rings, and the same little voice asks, “May I speak to Mr. Green, please?”

    The receptionist is getting quite annoyed at this point. “Look, I know you’re the same person who called the last two days, and I told you that Mr. Green is dead! What about that don’t you understand!”

    The little voice responds, “Oh, I understand perfectly. I just love to hear you say it.”

  • The Pope as His Chauffeur

    While visiting the United States, the Pope tells his limo driver that he suddenly has the urge to drive.

    The driver, being a devoted Catholic, would never dream of refusing the Pope, so he climbs into the back seat while the Pope takes the wheel.

    They’re cruising down the highway at nearly 80 mph when a police officer spots them and pulls them over.

    The officer radios headquarters:

    “Chief, I’ve pulled over a limo with a very important VIP inside.”

    The chief asks, “Who is it? The mayor?”

    “No, someone more important.”

    “The governor?”

    “More important.”

    “The President?!”

    “No, even more important.”

    Now irritated, the chief says, “Who could possibly be more important than the President?”

    The policeman calmly whispered, “I’ll put it to you this way, Chief… I don’t know who this guy is, but he’s got the Pope as his chauffeur.”

  • Damn Autocorrect

    A man received the following text from his neighbor:

    “I am so sorry, Bob. I’m riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been using your wife for many weeks now. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I hope you will accept my sincerest apology and my promise that it won’t happen again.”

    The heartbroken man, enraged, went into his bedroom, grabbed his wife, and threw her out the back door. Then he locked the door. A few moments later, a second text came in:

    “Damn autocorrect. I meant WiFi, not wife.”

  • The Most Potent Aphrodisiac

    Mrs. Jones has been happily married to her husband for 50 years, but she is disappointed by how they are no longer intimate anymore in their autumn years. She decides to see her doctor.

    “Mrs. Jones, how can I help you?” the doctor smiles. She explains her situation and the doctor nods.

    “That is fine, Mrs. Jones, I can give you some pills for him to take.” Mrs. Jones shakes her head sadly. “Doctor, he refuses to take pills. It’s too embarrassing for him to think he has to take pills for sex.”

    The doctor says, “Ok, take this vial of liquid and put it in his morning coffee.”

    Mrs. Jones leaves and comes back the next day. “Nothing, doctor, not even a hint of passion,” she says, disappointed.

    “Fine,” the doctor says. “Take this edible gel, and when you make him lunch, spread it on his sandwiches like butter. That’ll perk him up.”

    Mrs. Jones leaves and comes back the next day, annoyed. “Again, nothing. He didn’t so much as get excited, even when I wore some lacy panties to bed that night.”

    The doctor scratches his head. “Right then.” He goes to a drawer and comes back with a medication that comes in a salt shaker. “Put this on his dinner. It is our most potent aphrodisiac.”

    Mrs. Jones leaves and comes back the next day, absolutely furious. The doctor says, “Mrs. Jones, you must be joking, surely something happened.”

    Mrs. Jones angrily exclaims, “As soon as he had one bite, he got a mad glint in his eye. He took me and we had mad, wild, passionate sex. Right there on the table!”

    The doctor is confused. “But surely that’s what you wanted.”

    Mrs. Jones replies, “Of course, it was the best sex I have ever had in my life.”

    The doctor says, “But why are you so upset?”

    Mrs. Jones shouts, “I can never show my face in that restaurant again!!”

  • Cleaning Up With Change

    A hunter from the East goes hunting out West in Wyoming.

    He hires a guide and the next day they get up bright and early and begin their adventure. At some point the hunter has to use a commode.

    He says to his guide, “Man, I really have to use the restroom. Where is it?”

    The guide cracks up laughing. “Are you serious? We’re in the middle of Wyoming and you’re asking where the restroom is?”

    “Well it’s kinda an emergency,” the hunter says.

    The guide says, “You just hang your ass over that log over there. We’re roughing it today, Sport!”

    So the hunter does his business but realizes there is no toilet paper, so he asks his guide, “What do I use to clean up with?”

    The guide says, “You got a dollar?”

    The hunter says, “I do.”

    The guide says, “Just use that!”

    The hunter comes back with poop all over himself. He was a disgusting mess.

    The guide says, “What the hell, man. What happened to you?”

    The hunter says, “You try cleaning yourself up with three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel!”

  • The Blue Silk Pajamas

    A man calls home to his wife and says:

    “Honey, I’ve been invited to go fishing in Scotland with my boss and some of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week.

    This is a great chance for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so could you pack me enough clothes for a week, set out my rod and tackle box, and I’ll swing by the house to pick everything up.

    Oh, and please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”

    The wife thinks it sounds a little fishy, but being a good wife, she does exactly as he asked.

    The following weekend he returns home a bit tired but otherwise in good spirits.

    The wife asks, “Did you catch many fish?”

    “Loads,” he says. “Salmon, brown trout, a few pike. But why didn’t you pack my blue silk pajamas like I asked?”

    The wife replies, “I did. They were in your tackle box.”

  • He’s Deaf

    Doc: I have bad news and really bad news… the bad news is your baby is just an ear… a 6-pound 5-ounce baby ear. No arms or legs or head… just an ear.

    But that’s not the worst part…. He’s DEAF!

  • The Frat Bro and the Nuns

    Two frat bros are walking along when they see a group of nuns walking up the opposite side of the street.

    After a little bit of a ruckus, one of the young men runs across the road and approaches the nuns.

    “Excuse me, are you the head nun?” he asks the lead nun sheepishly.

    “Yes, my son. I am the Mother Superior of the convent. What can I do for you?” she replies with a curious grin.

    “Well ma’am, I have a strange question. But, umm, are any of your nuns midgets?” he spits out. Seeing her shocked face, he continues. “You know, maybe a dwarf, pygmy, something like that?”

    “My son,” she calmly states, “we would welcome anyone into our convent, regardless of stature. But no, we currently have no sisters that are little people.”

    And with that the frat bro turns to his buddy, who is still on the other side of the road, and hollers, “Hey Gary, I told you ya fucked a penguin last night!”

  • What Happened in Agua Fria

    A gunslinger walks into a saloon and yells…

    “…which one of you lily-livered, yellow-bellied, flea-bitten curs stole my horse!?”

    The room is silent.

    The gunslinger continues. “Alright! Here’s what’s going to happen! I’m going to buy a beer, drink it, and then I’m going back outside! And if my horse isn’t there, I’m going to have to do here what I did in Agua Fria! I don’t want to, but if I don’t get my horse back… you aren’t really giving me much of a choice!”

    The gunslinger gets his beer, drinks it, and walks outside, only to find his horse at the watering trough. As he gets into the saddle, the bartender comes out and nervously asks: “So… what did you do in Agua Fria?”

    “Walked out of town and never went back.”