Delivery Style: buildup

Buildup joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Ghost Car on a Dark Rainy Night

    Bill was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a fierce rain storm.

    The night was rolling on, and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few meters ahead of him.

    Suddenly through the swirling rain Bill saw a car slowly coming towards him and as it drew level with him, it stopped.

    Desperate for shelter and without really thinking about what he was doing, Bill got into the back seat of the car and closed the door.

    That was when he realized there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn’t even on.

    Mysteriously and soundlessly, the car started moving slowly forward. Bill looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Now he was scared, and he began to fear for his life.

    But just before he reached the curve, a ghostly hand appeared through the window of the car, and turned the steering wheel.

    Bill, paralyzed with terror, watched how the hand appeared every time they came to a curve.

    When he saw the lights of a pub down the road, Bill gathered all his courage and strength, jumped out of the car and ran to the pub.

    Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of whiskey. Shaking and half crying, he began telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just been through.

    A silence enveloped everybody when they realized he wasn’t drunk but was for real.

    About 10 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub. They were also wet, and were out of breath.

    Looking around and seeing Bill sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, “Hey Bruce… that’s the idiot who got in the car while we were pushing it.”

  • The Snail at the Door

    A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door…

    He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

    He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

    A year later, there’s another knock at the door.

    He opens it and sees the same snail.

    The snail says, “Have I upset you?”

  • Confessions After the Ceremony

    A man and a woman meet in a bar, fall madly in love, and decide to get married a week later.

    After the ceremony, the man looks to his new bride, and says, “I have a confession to make. I am completely obsessed with golf. I eat, sleep, and breathe the game, it’s my obsession, and I hope you won’t hate me for it.”

    The woman looks at her new husband and says, “Honey, I could never hate you. But, I also have a confession to make. I’m a hooker, and hope you won’t hate me for it, either.”

    The man gets a rather tortured look on his face, rubs his chin, and after a few long moments says, “Ok, well, show me your stance.”

  • My First Day as a Cab Driver

    A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question…

    The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window.

    For a second, everything was quiet in the cab.

    Then the driver said, “Look, mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!”

    The passenger apologised and said, “I didn’t realise that a little tap would scare you so much.”

    The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver — I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.”

  • Watching Football With My Son-In-Law

    As a woman passed her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a “toy.”

    Shocked, she asked, “What in the world are you doing?”

    The daughter replied, “Mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”

    The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter with her “toy.”

    To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, “Dad, I’m thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”

    A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The “toy” was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

    The wife asked, “What the hell are you doing?”

    The husband replied, “I’m watching football with my son-in-law.”

  • Sherlock Holmes and the Stolen Tent

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip in the American countryside. After a hearty meal and a bottle of wine, they settled in for the night.

    A few hours later, Holmes woke up and nudged his friend, “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

    Watson gazed upward and said, “I see millions of stars.”

    Holmes asked, “And what does that tell you?”

    Watson thought for a moment and said, “Astronomically, it tells me there are countless galaxies and planets. Astrologically, I observe Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise, I’d say it’s about a quarter past three. Theologically, it shows that God is all-powerful and we are small. And weather-wise, I’d expect a beautiful day tomorrow.”

    Holmes paused briefly, then shook his head.

    “Watson, you fool… it means that someone has stolen our tent.”

  • You Were Starting to Sound Like My Ex-Wife

    Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

    One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

    After a long period of silence she finally spoke, “Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection, golf clubs, and that stupid vintage Harley.”

    Tom got a horrified look on his face.

    She said, “Darling, what’s wrong?”

    He replied, “There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”

    “Ex-wife!” she screamed, “YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”

    Tom replied, “I wasn’t.”

  • When My Dad Asked for the Vaseline

    A salesman rings the doorbell and Johnny answers.

    Salesman: “Can I see your dad?”

    Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.”

    Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?”

    Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower too.”

    Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?”

    Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him superglue instead.”

  • Irish Viagra

    An Irish woman of a certain age went to see her doctor and asked if there was anything he could prescribe to help revive her husband’s love life.

    “Have you tried Viagra?” the doctor asked.

    “Not a hope,” she replied. “The man won’t even take a paracetamol.”

    “No problem,” said the doctor. “Try what we call ‘Irish Viagra.’ Slip a tablet into his coffee. He’ll never notice it. Give it a go and ring me next week to let me know how you get on.”

    Well, she didn’t even last the week before calling him back.

    “Doctor!” she cried. “Faith and begorrah, it was awful! Absolutely terrible!”

    “Really?” the doctor asked. “What happened?”

    “Well, I did exactly what you said and dropped the tablet into his coffee. The effect was nearly instant. He leapt to his feet with a wild sparkle in his eye and his trousers bulging like a circus tent!”

    The doctor said, “Good heavens.”

    “Before I knew it, he swept the cups clean off the table, tore me clothes clean off me back, and took me there and then, right on the tabletop!”

    “So why was it so terrible?” asked the doctor. “Was the sex not good?”

    “Good?” she shouted. “It was the best sex I’ve had in twenty-five years!” She paused dramatically.

    “But I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!”

  • Getting Farther Away From the Paint Can

    Billy Ray was hired to paint the yellow stripes on the highway. His first day he painted 10 miles.

    The second day he only painted 5. His boss, seeing how he was getting slower, decided to give him a day off, thinking that he needed a rest. When he came back the next day, he only painted 1/2 mile.

    His now discouraged boss came up to him one day and said, “Excuse me, but why have you been painting less and less each day, even after I gave you a day off?”

    “Simple,” Billy Ray answered, “I’ve been getting farther away from the paint can!”