Delivery Style: narrative

Narrative joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Frat Bro and the Nuns

    Two frat bros are walking along when they see a group of nuns walking up the opposite side of the street.

    After a little bit of a ruckus, one of the young men runs across the road and approaches the nuns.

    “Excuse me, are you the head nun?” he asks the lead nun sheepishly.

    “Yes, my son. I am the Mother Superior of the convent. What can I do for you?” she replies with a curious grin.

    “Well ma’am, I have a strange question. But, umm, are any of your nuns midgets?” he spits out. Seeing her shocked face, he continues. “You know, maybe a dwarf, pygmy, something like that?”

    “My son,” she calmly states, “we would welcome anyone into our convent, regardless of stature. But no, we currently have no sisters that are little people.”

    And with that the frat bro turns to his buddy, who is still on the other side of the road, and hollers, “Hey Gary, I told you ya fucked a penguin last night!”

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  • Quit While He Was a Head

    A baby is born but he doesn’t have a body.

    He’s only a head. They called him Steven. Steven was a happy child and he lived as normal a life as you could under those circumstances. Finally when he reached 21 his dad said, “Come on son we’re going to have a drink to celebrate your birthday.”

    He put the head on the counter and he ordered two pints of Guinness. He said cheers and he poured a sip into his son’s mouth. To everyone’s surprise, a neck and shoulders popped out like balloons. With tears of joy, the dad gave him another sip, and pop! Two arms came out of the shoulders! The dad gave him a third sip, and pop! He grew a torso! And he gave him a fourth sip and pop! He grew legs! They had to get out of there to get him some clothes because he never had any before. His dad helped him to the door because he was unsteady on his feet because they were new and because of the drink.

    He stumbled into the street and got hit by a car, instantly killing him.

    The bartender said, “Poor guy. He should have quit while he was a head.”

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  • The Big Ass Grill

    A husband is out in the backyard with his wife, who is busy gardening.

    He’s feeling a bit mischievous and says, “You know, honey, your butt is getting so big, it’s starting to look like that BBQ grill over there.”

    The wife ignores him and keeps weeding. Later that night in bed, the husband starts making some romantic advances. His wife completely brushes him off and rolls over.

    “What’s wrong?” he asks, surprised.

    She replies, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?”

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  • What Happened in Agua Fria

    A gunslinger walks into a saloon and yells…

    “…which one of you lily-livered, yellow-bellied, flea-bitten curs stole my horse!?”

    The room is silent.

    The gunslinger continues. “Alright! Here’s what’s going to happen! I’m going to buy a beer, drink it, and then I’m going back outside! And if my horse isn’t there, I’m going to have to do here what I did in Agua Fria! I don’t want to, but if I don’t get my horse back… you aren’t really giving me much of a choice!”

    The gunslinger gets his beer, drinks it, and walks outside, only to find his horse at the watering trough. As he gets into the saddle, the bartender comes out and nervously asks: “So… what did you do in Agua Fria?”

    “Walked out of town and never went back.”

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  • Five Loaves of Rye Bread

    Two old friends, Earl (80) and Frank (87), were sitting on a park bench one morning.

    Frank had just finished his morning walk around the park and didn’t even look winded.

    Earl was amazed and asked, “Frank, how do you have so much energy at your age?”

    Frank grinned and said, “Simple… I eat rye bread every single day.”

    “It keeps your energy up and gives you great stamina with the ladies.”

    On his way home, Earl stopped by the local bakery.

    The young woman behind the counter asked, “Can I help you, sir?”

    Earl said, “Yes ma’am… do you sell rye bread?”

    “Of course we do,” she replied. “How many loaves would you like?”

    Earl thought for a moment and said, “Better make it five loaves.”

    The baker looked surprised and said, “Five loaves? By the time you get to the third one, it’ll be hard.”

    Earl muttered under his breath, “Well I’ll be… I can’t believe everybody already knows about this.”

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  • Results in Heaven

    A cab driver reaches the pearly gates.

    St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.

    Next in line is a preacher.

    St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow, and says, “OK, we’ll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.”

    The preacher is shocked and replies, “But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!”

    St. Peter responds matter-of-factly:

    “This is Heaven, and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed.”

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  • Ten Bucks Same as Downtown

    A monk turns 18, so he leaves the monastery and travels to town for the very first time. He’s walking down the street, and a hooker says, “Hey father! How about a little head? Ten bucks.”

    Well, the monk doesn’t know what this means, so he goes scurrying back up to the monastery. He finds one of the nuns and says, “Sister, what’s ‘head’?”

    And she says, “Ten bucks, same as downtown.”

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  • Einstein and His Driver

    One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

    On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

    “I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”

    The driver agrees: “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”

    “That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”

    So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

    But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

    The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says:

    “Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me.”

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  • Seven Lemons for the Smirk

    A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest, “Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I was with seven different women last night.”

    The priest is silent for a moment, then says, “Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp.”

    “And I’ll be forgiven?” asks the man.

    “No,” replies the priest, “but it will wipe that smirk off your face.”

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  • Vape Killing People They Say The Same About Yall

    Vape Killing People They Say The Same About Yall