Delivery Style: narrative

Narrative joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • First Time Jitters at the Pharmacy Counter

    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her and her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms.

    The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy – a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!”

    The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

    Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

    The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!”

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  • Marine’s Unexpected Request Leaves Sex Workers Surprised

    The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

    She said “well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine”

    “Well, what did he want to do?” they all asked. She said “I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn’t have that much”

    “So I told him a blow job would be $75, but he didn’t have that much either”

    “Finally I said, well, how much do you have”? The marine said that he only had $25. The new hooker said “well, for $25 all I can give you is a hand job”

    He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said “he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand…..”

    “Oh my god” they all exclaimed, “it must have been huge…. then what did you do?”

    “I loaned him $75!” she said.

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  • Horseshoe Versus Whore’s Shoe: Times Have Changed

    A grandfather went to visit his college-age grandson at the dorm. Grandpa was astonished to find that his son was living a life of sin and corruption, as shown by the very high-heeled shoe nailed over the doorway.

    In my day, grumbled Gramps, we would hang a horse shoe over the door for luck and then study late into the night hoping to pass our classes.

    But grandpa, replied the grandson, that is a whore’s shoe.

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  • Calling the Police After All

    An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of about seventeen ransacking the place. He grabbed her by the arm and was just about to call the police when the girl dropped down on her knees and pleaded, “Please don’t call the police, mister, oh please!! If you don’t, I’ll let you make love to me and do whatever you want with my body!”

    The old man thought for a moment and decided to give in. Soon they were naked and in bed together. The old man tried hard and tried hard, but finally, he rolls over, exhausted, and embarrassed.

    “I’m sorry, young lady…but it’s no use,” he gasped. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to call the police after all.”

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  • Missile Sites Happy to See Him

    As the F-14 screamed through the desert air, the pilot eyed the rising launcher ramps and wondered yet again if the missile sites were a genuine threat or merely happy to see him.

  • Expensive Penis Research Reaches Obvious Conclusions

    University of North Carolina sex researchers wanted to find out why the head of a man’s penis generally is wider than the shaft. After six years of study costing $950,000, the researchers concluded that the head of a man’s penis generally is wider than the shaft because it gave the man more pleasure.

    Mills researchers read the report and didn’t agree, so they conducted their own study. It took a year and cost $975,000. The Mills researchers concluded that the head of a man’s penis generally is wider than the shaft because it gave the woman more pleasure.

    A Harvard researcher read both reports and decided to conduct his own research. Working alone, his study took a week and cost 75 cents. His conclusion: The head of a man’s penis generally is wider than the shaft to keep his hand from flying off.

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  • Doorknob Trouble: Passionate Bathroom Encounter Goes Wrong

    This husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, “I gotta have you!”

    He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and nailed her. When he finished he started putting his clothes back on and saw his wife still writhing around against the door and he asked, “What’s wrong honey? Didn’t you come? Do you want more?”

    His wife said, “No, no, it’s not that. I’m just trying to get the doorknob out of my ass!”

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  • Grandpa’s Sexual Decline Through the Years

    A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him, “When you first get married, you want it all the time…and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year…maybe on your anniversary.”

    The young fellow then asked his grandfather, “Well, how about you and Grandma now?”

    His grandfather replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex.”

    “What’s oral sex?” the young fellow asked.

    “Well,” Grandpa said, “she goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, ‘Screw You,’ and I holler back, ‘Screw You too!’”

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  • Panties on the Ceiling

    Melissa came home late from her date. She was tired, so on her way to her bedroom she threw her coat over a dining room chair, threw her purse into the kitchen table, and just threw her clothes all over her bedroom floor without a care.

    Next morning at breakfast her mother asked if she had a good time last night.

    “Oh yeah” she said, “the best ever”

    “I thought so” said mom, “your panties are still stuck to the ceiling”

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  • He’s Not Even A Member Of This Club.

    Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

    He passes the first woman, who looks down at his privates. ‘He’s not my husband,’ she says.

    He passes by the second woman, who also looks down as he’s passing. ‘He’s not my husband either.’

    She says, also not recognizing the unit. He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. ‘Wait a minute,’ she says. ‘He’s not even a member of this club.’

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