My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”
He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.”
Delivery Style: narrative
Narrative joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Chillin’ With My Homies at the Last Supper – This Food You’re Eating Is My Body – YAHWEH
SO I WAS CHILLIN’ WITH MY HOMIES AT THE LAST SUPPER AND I WAS LIKE BROS… THIS FOOD YOUR EATING IS MY BODY.. THEY WERE ALL LIKE NO WAY!
AND I WAS LIKE, YAHWEH
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Game Show Idea: 11 Gay Men and 1 Straight Man – None of the Men Are Actually Gay
Game Show Idea:
11 gay men and 1 straight man are locked in a house. The object for the gay men is to find out who isn’t gay. Once a week someone gets outvoted, until 2 are left, or the straight man is out. If the gays manage to outvote him, they win 1 million dollars. If the straight man is among the 2 last people in the house in the end, he wins 1 million dollars.
Now here’s the twist: None of the men are actually gay, they just all think they are the one straight man.
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Today on the Bus I Told a Lady She Had Semen on the Back of Her Shirt
TODAY ON THE BUS I TOLD A LADY SHE HAD SEMEN ON THE BACK OF HER SHIRT.
SHE SAID IT WAS PROBABLY YOGURT.
I’M PRETTY SURE I DON’T EJACULATE YOGURT.
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Sure I Can Paint Your Ceiling
“Sure I can paint your ceiling”
*Michelangelo scoffs to himself*
“Gonna paint a bunch of dudes with their dicks out though”
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My Wife Paid Off Our House and Vehicles With Her OnlyFans Account
MY WIFE PAID OFF OUR HOUSE AND VEHICLES WITH HER ONLY FANS ACCOUNT.
SHE’S GONNA FREAK WHEN SHE FINDS OUT SHE HAS AN ONLY FANS ACCOUNT.
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Ever Been Driving and Flick a Cigarette Out the Window
Ever been driving and flick a cigarette out the window, then a minute later smell something and look in the back seat to find your grandmother fingering herself?
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My First Time With a Condom
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 19 or so.
I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, “No, this is my first time.”
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused, so she looked all around the store to see if it was empty.
It was empty. “Just a minute,” she said, and walked to the door and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. “Do these excite you?” she asked.
Well, I was so dumbstruck that all I could do was nod my head.
She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
“Well, come on,” she said. “We don’t have much time.”
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW — I was done within a few minutes.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown.
“Did you put that condom on?” she asked.
I said, “I sure did,” and held up my thumb to show her!
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The Old Man and the Prostitute
A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past. She hadn’t had a customer in a while, so she whistles at him and says, “Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?”
The old man said, “But I won’t be able to…”
Prostitute: “C’mon man… give it a try…”
Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick and fucks the daylights out of her for 30 minutes. When he’s done, the prostitute, all exhausted and tired, says, “But you said you won’t be able to…”
“…pay you,” replied the old man.
