I couldn’t sleep last night because I realized Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have the same middle names.
Delivery Style: observational
Observational joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Childhood Punishments, Adult Goals
All of my childhood punishments have become my adult goals:
Eating vegetables, staying home, taking a nap, going to bed early. -
Nature’s Way of Saying
Garage sales: nature’s way of saying, “Here, let me pay you to throw this out for me.”
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A Stroke at Any Time
My doctor said I could masturbate as much as I want…
That’s what he meant when he said I could have a stroke at any time, right?
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Not a Single Piece of Straight Wood
Happy Pride Month to Home Depot!
There isn’t a single piece of straight wood in that place.
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Dont Fill Up On Bread Super Confusing
Don’t hand me a basket of bread and then immediately be like “don’t fill up on bread,” that’s super confusing and I don’t need that stress in my life.
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Basketball Teams Could Score More Points Together
if both basketball teams just worked together they could score so many more points
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Keep Dreaming Buddy
Called my boss this morning, asked him if I could come in late today because I’m super tired. He said, “Keep dreaming buddy.”
Which was super nice and unexpected of him.
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Haven’t Heard From Him Since
Another friend recently quit his job to pursue a career to be a mime.
I haven’t heard from him since.
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Catch a Falling Star and Blackmail It
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. Then tell it that unless you get a cool half-mil, you’ll sell to the highest tabloid bidder those embarrassing photos of it puking naked in the alley.
