Surprise twist joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
Melissa came home late from her date. She was tired, so on her way to her bedroom she threw her coat over a dining room chair, threw her purse into the kitchen table, and just threw her clothes all over her bedroom floor without a care.
Next morning at breakfast her mother asked if she had a good time last night.
“Oh yeah” she said, “the best ever”
“I thought so” said mom, “your panties are still stuck to the ceiling”
I would be completely happy to just live in my dreams, if it weren’t for my girlfriend repeatedly changing into Hitler. No, wait a minute — that’s my real life.
John: you know there are four types of orgasms?
Jim: no what are they?
John: There’s the POSITIVE, NEGATIVE, RELIGIOUS and FAKE.
The positive goes oh yes! oh yes!.
The negative goes oh no! oh no!
The religious goes oh God! oh God!
And the fake one goes OH JIM! OH JIM!.
A fireman was talking to his wife and told her “We have this really good system down at the station. One bell means that we all grab our gear, two bells means that we all slide down the pole, and three bells means that we all board the fire engine and leave. So that’s what we’re going to do around here. When I say one bell, I want you to take off all of your clothes. When I say two bells, I want you to get in the bed. When I say three bells, we start screwing.”
Later on that night, the fireman said one bell, and his wife began to disrobe.
Then, he said two bells, and his wife jumped into the bed.
Then, he said three bells, and they began to screw.
After a couple of minutes, his wife said “four bells.”
The fireman said “What’s that mean?”
She said “The fire is not out and I need more hose!”
I knew a girl at work once who was truly concerned about her husband’s smoking. She told me that she had finally gotten him to agree to limit his smoking at home to only those times when they had finished making love.
She had gotten the idea from a classic movie they had both seen on TV called “Cold Turkey.”
After about a week, I asked her how it was going.
“Well, not too bad,” she said, getting up off of a pillow she had in her chair and limping towards the photocopy machine.
“I’ve gotten him down to about a pack a night now.”
A woman has been married to her husband for ten years, and for all those ten years her husband insisted on making love in the dark. No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on.
One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were making love and saw that he was using a dildo on her.
She says: “Honey, how could you do this! All this time you’ve never told me. Explain yourself immediately!!”
The husband says: “OK, I’ll explain, but first you have to explain the kids.”
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a whore house. When they arrived at the house, the Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn’t going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used “blowup” dolls instead.
She put the dolls in each man’s room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.
The first man said, “I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or groaned… how was it for you?”
The second man replied, “I think mine was a witch.”
The first man asked, “How’s that?”
“Well,” said the second man, “when I nibbled on her breast… she farted and flew out the window!”
Q: What is the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Putting her back into her wheelchair.
