Format: anecdotal

Anecdotal comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Small World on the Golf Course

    Two guys are flying along the golf course, trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but they run into two terrible lady golfers on the 13th hole, who are playing painfully slow!

    The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?”

    The second guy walks ahead, and gets about 50 yards from the terrible twosome, before quickly turning and coming back.

    The first guy says, “What’s wrong?”

    The second guy says, “You’re not gonna believe this, but the woman in the pink is my wife, and the one in yellow is my mistress.”

    The first guy says, “Wow, that’s not good. Let me give it a try.”

    So the first guy gets about halfway there, stops in his tracks, turns and comes back, too.

    The second guy says, “What’s wrong?”

    The first guy says, “It’s a small world!”

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  • Increasing the GDP

    Two businessmen were walking down the street, when one of them spots a pile of dog shit on the ground.

    Being bored, he tells the other guy, “Hey, if you eat that, I’ll give you $10k right now.”

    Naturally, he plugs his nose and eats it. As promised, the first one pulls $10k out of his wallet and hands it over. It’s a big wallet, I guess.

    A mile later, they spot another pile. This time, the second businessman tells the first, “$10k to eat that right now!”

    Of course, the first one takes the deal. Easy money, right?

    They continue walking, and after a moment, the first one says, “You know, it occurs to me we both just ate dog shit, and we’re not a penny richer.”

    After a moment, the second one replies, “Yes, but we increased the GDP by $20k.”

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  • Not Enough Because I Have to Go Back Tomorrow

    I just asked my son what he learned today at school, and he told me, “Not enough, because I have to go back tomorrow.”

  • Vanished Without a Tres

    I recently attended a magic show in Mexico…

    The magician said, “Uno, dos,” and then vanished without a tres.

  • Nice Legs

    A man walked into a bar one day and saw an obese lady dancing on the table.

    He walked over to her and said, “Those are some nice legs.”

    She said to him, “You think so?”

    He said, “Yes, because most table legs would have collapsed by now.”

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  • Quit Drinking Beer

    I went to the doctor yesterday for a physical.

    The doctor tells me, “You have to quit drinking beer.”

    “Why?” I asked.

    Doctor, “Because I’m trying to give you a physical right now.”

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  • Einstein and His Driver

    One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

    On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

    “I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”

    The driver agrees: “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”

    “That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”

    So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

    But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

    The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says:

    “Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me.”

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  • I Just Looked Next to the Potatoes

    I was out to dinner and the waitress asked, “How did you find your steak, sir?”

    I told her, “I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.”

  • Vape Killing People They Say The Same About Yall

    Vape Killing People They Say The Same About Yall

  • Sister Sally and the Gin

    Sister Sally goes into the liquor store and asks for a pint of gin.

    The clerk is taken aback. “Sister. What are you doing buying such a thing?”

    “It’s okay,” replied Sister Sally. “It’s for the Mother Superior’s constipation.”

    “Oh well then that’s okay.” And he sells her the gin.

    After he closes up shop, he’s walking home and sees Sister Sally on the park bench absolutely blotto, just sloppy and singing bawdy songs and making a spectacle of herself.

    “Sister!” he cried. “I thought you said the gin was for the Mother Superior’s constipation!”

    “It is,” replied the Sister. “When she sees me like this she’s gonna shit!”

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