Format: narrative

Narrative comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Little Johnny’s Parents at School

    Little Johnny’s parents come to the school to pick him up.

    They go to the first floor. There is a door with a sign saying “Wonderful kids.” They look inside. Little Johnny isn’t there.

    They go up to the second floor. There is a door with a sign saying “Good kids.” They check. Once again, Little Johnny isn’t there.

    They go to the third floor. The sign says “Okay kids.” They open the door. Once again, no Little Johnny.

    Floor number four. It says “Problematic kids.” No Little Johnny.

    On floor number five, it says “Bad kids.” That one, too, doesn’t have Little Johnny.

    Floor number six, a sign saying “Nightmare kids.” Horrified, the parents go inside… Still, no Little Johnny.

    Finally, they go to the last floor, number seven.

    A door.

    The sign says “Little Johnny.”

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  • Volunteering at the Cancer Ward

    Having recently lost my job, I have been volunteering my spare time up at the local child cancer ward and in doing so have become good friends with a young 10-year-old boy called Jimmy. I sit with him and hold his hand as he has his chemotherapy, take him to the movies when he is feeling well enough, and what little spare money I have, I spend on toys for him.

    Today he asked me, “Will you still come to visit me when I leave the hospital?”

    “Not a chance,” I replied. “I fucking hate cemeteries.”

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  • Tied to the Railroad Tracks

    A guy was walking to a bar, and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex.

    He gets to the bar. Friends ask why he’s so late. He tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in.

    Friends give him props and ask if he got head. The guy replies, “I couldn’t find it.”

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  • Chili at the West Texas Cafe

    A young cowboy walked into a seedy cafe in a small town in West Texas. He sat down at the counter and noticed an older cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a bowl of chili.

    After about 15 minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked, “If you ain’t goin’ to eat that, do ya mind if I do?”

    The older cowboy slowly turned his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner said, “Nah. Go ahead.”

    Eagerly, the young cowboy reached over and slid the bowl over to his place and started spooning it in with delight. He got nearly down to the bottom before noticing a rotten dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl.

    The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too…”

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  • The Missionary and the Chief

    There was once a missionary preaching in a small African tribe. The people there loved him, and every day more were converted.

    But one day, a white baby was born to one of the women in the tribe. The chief immediately sent for the missionary and demanded to know why he had broken the commandments he had so lovingly taught to his people.

    The missionary, having been a devout Christian his entire life, asked to see the child. Upon viewing the baby, it became clear that this baby was an albino. The missionary attempted to explain this to the chief, saying: “Chief, this child suffers from a condition of the skin which changed its color to white. As an example, look upon your flocks of sheep. All are white, except for one which is black.”

    The chief cut him off, saying, “OK, I won’t tell about the baby, if you don’t tell about the sheep.”

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  • Old Cowboy Gets a Clean Shave at the Barbershop

    An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.

    He tells the barber he has trouble getting a clean shave because his cheeks are wrinkled with age.

    The barber pulls a small wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and says, “Put this inside your cheek. It’ll stretch the skin and make it easier to shave.”

    The cowboy does as he’s told, and the barber gives him the cleanest shave he’s had in years.

    As he’s leaving, the cowboy asks, “What would happen if I accidentally swallowed that little ball?”

    The barber thinks for a moment and says, “Just bring it back in a couple of days, like everyone else does.”

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  • Cannibal Tribe and the Three Politicians

    A Republican, a Libertarian, and a Democrat are captured by a cannibal tribe in a dense jungle. The tribe chief gives them a final chance to save their lives:

    “Go into the jungle and bring back ten pieces of any single fruit you can find.”

    The Republican returns first with ten apples.

    The chief says: “Now, if you can shove all ten apples up your ass without making any sound or expression on your face, we won’t eat you.”

    The Republican manages one, but at the second apple, he winces in pain. The tribe eats him.

    The Libertarian returns next with ten tiny berries.

    The chief gives him the same rule.

    The Libertarian gets to the ninth berry with complete silence… but suddenly, right before the tenth one, he bursts out laughing hysterically! The tribe eats him too.

    In heaven, the Republican meets the Libertarian and asks: “Dude, you were so close! Why on earth did you laugh on the last berry?”

    The Libertarian replies: “I couldn’t help it… I saw the Democrat coming back with ten watermelons!”

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  • Diner Returns to Expensive Paris Restaurant

    One evening, an impeccably dressed older gentleman walked into a very expensive restaurant in Paris’s 6th arrondissement. He wore a tailored suit, a silk tie and highly polished black Gucci shoes.

    The gentleman ordered champagne, foie gras, lobster and a vintage bottle of Bordeaux. For dessert, he selected the most expensive item on the menu and ordered a brandy.

    When he had finished his meal, the waiter presented him with the bill.

    The gentleman looked at the waiter and said, “I don’t know if you remember me, but many, many years ago, I was quite down on my luck. I came here for a meal and, when it came time to pay, I couldn’t.”

    The waiter looked at him more closely.

    “You publicly humiliated me,” the gentleman continued. “You had security march me through the restaurant and throw me out into the street.”

    The waiter suddenly remembered the incident. His face turned bright red and he began apologizing profusely.

    The gentleman held up his hand.

    “Don’t worry, old chap,” he said. “I’m terribly sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to do it again.”

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  • Teaching Democracy

    Last night, I taught my kids about democracy by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order.

    Then I picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

  • Dog Ate a Bag of Scrabble Tiles

    My dog ate an entire bag of scrabble tiles, so I had to take him to the vet.

    No word yet.