Format: narrative

Narrative comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Cabbie and the Preacher at the Pearly Gates

    A cab driver dies and reaches the Pearly Gates.

    St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.

    Next in line is a preacher.

    St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow, and says, “OK, we’ll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.”

    The preacher is shocked.

    “But I am a man of the cloth! You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!”

    St. Peter responds matter-of-factly:

    “This is Heaven, and up here we’re interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed.”

  • Little Johnny and the Spelling Lesson

    A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with “tor” and that also ate things.

    The first little boy said, “Alligator.” “Very good James, that’s a big word.”

    The second boy said, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word Alan, well done.”

    Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.”

    After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, “That’s a big word Johnny, but it doesn’t eat anything.”

    “Well my mother has one and she says it eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow!”

  • Little Johnny and the Substitute Teacher

    Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.

    She says, “Hello class. I’m Miss Prussy. When you say my name, remember it has an ‘R’ after the first letter.”

    The entire class says, “Hello, Miss Prussy!”

    A few days later, Johnny’s regular teacher is out again, and Miss Prussy has returned as the substitute.

    She says, “Good morning, Johnny. Do you remember my name?”

    Johnny thinks hard, and he says to the teacher, “I remember it has an ‘R’ after the first letter.”

    “That’s right!” she coaxed.

    After a few seconds, little Johnny says, “Miss Crunt?”

  • Bob and the Cheat Day

    Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago.

    Yesterday, his wife suggested they have a cheat day.

    She came home with pizza and McDonald’s French fries.

    Bob came home with his secretary.

    Visiting hours for Bob are between 9:00am and 2:00pm at Jackson Memorial Hospital.

  • The Slow Foursome on the Golf Course

    A priest, a doctor, and a golfer are waiting at a tee while a painfully slow group plays ahead of them.

    After watching them take forever, the golfer finally explodes:

    “What is wrong with these guys?! They’re terrible!”

    The caddy nearby says,

    “Oh, you didn’t hear? That group is made up of firefighters who lost their sight saving people from a burning building. They play once a week.”

    The priest bows his head and says,

    “That’s so tragic… I’ll say a prayer for them tonight.”

    The doctor says,

    “I know a specialist who might be able to help restore some vision.”

    The golfer pauses, then says…

    “Why can’t they just play at night?”

  • The Worst Round of Golf

    Guy gets home from golf and his wife asks, “How was the game?”

    “Terrible, Dave dropped dead of a heart attack on the third tee.”

    “Oh, how awful!”

    “You’re telling me! The rest of the round it was hit a shot, drag Dave, hit a shot, drag Dave…”

  • The Three Sons-in-Law and the River

    A mother-in-law wanted to test which of her three sons-in-law was the nicest.

    She pretended to fall into a river while walking with the first son-in-law.

    He quickly jumped in and saved her.

    The next morning, he found a Chevrolet Malibu with a note: “From your mother-in-law.”

    The second son-in-law did the same thing and received a Ford Fusion the next day.

    Then came the third son-in-law’s turn.

    When the mother-in-law jumped into the river again, he just watched… and walked away.

    The next morning, he found a brand-new Cadillac Escalade with a note: “From your father-in-law!”

  • The Fifteen-Dollar Porsche

    A fifteen-year-old came home with a Porsche, and his parents began to yell and scream at him…

    “Where did you get that car?”

    He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

    “With what money!?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”

    “Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

    The parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars!?” they asked.

    “It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “Don’t know her name — they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”

    “Oh my goodness!” moaned the mother. “She must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”

    So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

    “Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary. Then apparently she stole all his money and stranded him there!

    Well he called me, without a dollar to his name, and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So that’s exactly what I did.”

  • The Italian Souvenir

    A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

    “Thank you, honey,” she says. “Is there anything I can bring back for you?” He laughs and says, “An Italian girl.”

    When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks, “How was the trip?”

    “Very good,” she replies.

    “And what happened to my present?” he asks.

    Confused, she replies, “Which present?”

    “The one I asked for, the Italian girl,” he answers.

    With a sly grin, she replies, “Oh, that. I did what I could, but we’ll just have to wait nine months to see if it’s a girl.”

  • The Doctor’s Good News

    A guy’s mother-in-law comes to live with him…

    One day he comes home to find her passed out on the floor. He calls 911, the paramedics come and pick her up and take her to the hospital.

    The guy goes to the hospital and is in the waiting room when the doctor comes out.

    The doctor says, “Well, I have some good news and some bad news.”

    The guy says, “Alright, give me the bad news first.”

    The doctor says, “Your mother-in-law is not going to die. She had a massive stroke, but she is probably going to live another 20-30 years. The problem is the stroke has rendered her unable to speak. She just makes this horrible screeching noise like a parrot now. It has also disabled her ability to use her arms. For the next 20-30 years you are going to have to feed her baby food 3 times a day. Also, it’s made her incontinent, so you’re going to have to change her diapers and clean her up every single day for the next 20-30 years.”

    “Oh my gosh,” the guy said. “What’s the good news?”

    The doctor chuckles and goes, “I’m just kidding with you… she died.”