Tone: cheeky

Cheeky humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • A Woman On The Train

    A man is sitting on the train when a woman sits across from him. He cannot avoid the fact that she’s gorgeous, and as he’s checking her out, he notices she’s wearing a skirt but no underwear. She catches him, and he quickly looks away, embarrassed.

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    She calms him, tells him it wasn’t a big deal, and they start chatting as the train leaves the station.

    As they travel together, she tells him that her vagina can do tricks.

    “No way,” he says.

    “Yes way,” she says. “Look, I’m gonna make my vagina wink at you.” She proceeds to make it move, which leaves him impressed.

    “That was awesome!” he says.

    “Now look as it throws you a kiss,” and soon enough she makes it blow a kiss.

    “Fantastic!” he exclaims. At this point, she is visibly aroused.

    “Say, you wanna stick your fingers in there?” she asks.

    “You’re kidding, right? IT CAN WHISTLE TOO?!”

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  • A Walk Past The Restaurant

    A Scotsman and his wife are walking past a restaurant. The wife says, “Did you smell that food? It smells absolutely incredible!”

    The Scotsman thinks, “What the hell, it is her birthday.”

    So they walked past it again.

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  • Three Pregnant Women

    A pregnant blonde, a pregnant brunette, and a pregnant redhead were in the waiting room of an obstetrician’s office.

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    The redhead said, “When my baby was conceived, I was on top, so I know I’m going to have a girl.”

    The brunette said, “When my baby was conceived, my husband was on top, so I know I’m going to have a boy.”

    The blonde burst into tears. When the other two asked her what’s wrong, she wailed, “I think I’m going to have puppies!”

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  • Three Disappointed Mothers

    Three mothers, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde, are talking about how disappointed they are in their daughters.

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    The redheaded mom says, “I found whiskey in my daughter’s room, and I didn’t even know she drank.”

    The brunette mom says, “I found marijuana in my daughter’s room, and I didn’t even know she did drugs.”

    The blonde mom says, “I found condoms in my daughter’s room, and I didn’t even know she had a dick!”

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  • The Jacket On The Golf Course

    Two guys were playing a round of golf. As they finished one hole and headed for the next, one of them realized he’d left his jacket back at the previous one.

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    “Hang on a sec,” he said to his buddy. “I’ll just run back and get it.”

    As he approached the previous hole, he noticed two women about to tee off. Suddenly, he stopped, turned around, and headed back toward where his buddy was waiting.

    “Holy hell! That could have been awkward! That was my wife and mistress back there!”

    “Good Lord!” says his buddy. “That could have ended badly! No problem, I’ll run back and get it for you.”

    Like the first guy, he got halfway to the previous tee, turned around, and headed back.

    Reaching his buddy, he looked somewhat flustered and said, “Small world, isn’t it?”

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  • Three Brothers At Clown College

    Three brothers lose their jobs and decide to go to clown college.

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    When they get back six months later, their wives are having lunch and talking about their husbands’ new careers.

    The first woman says, “Ever since my husband got back from clown college, he’s been pranking me!” She pulls out a small flower and sets it on the table, where it squirts water at her. She says the worst part is that he honks his stupid red nose every time he pulls a prank.

    The second woman takes out a box of tissues and pulls on one, but the tissues just keep coming and coming. She says her husband also honks that ridiculous red nose every time he pulls a prank.

    They both turn to the third woman and ask, “So, has your husband pranked you?”

    “Not exactly,” she answers, blushing. She turns, crosses her legs, and … HONK!

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  • A Wedding At The Old Age Home

    An elderly widower and an elderly widow meet in the old age home and decide to get married.

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    The house doctor gives them a checkup first.

    After examining the widow, he calls the widower in and confides in him:

    “Be gentle on your wedding night. Your fiancée has acute angina.”

    The widower says, “YOU’LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, MY HEARING ISN’T SO GOOD.”

    So the doctor yells, “I SAID SHE HAS ACUTE ANGINA!”

    The widower responds, “YOU’RE DARN TOOTING SHE DOES! AND HER TITS AIN’T BAD EITHER!”

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  • The Annual Checkup

    When an elderly couple went in for their annual checkup, the wife stayed in the waiting room while her husband went in to be examined. The doctor, kibitzing with him, said, “Sam, how is your sex life?”

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    “I’ll tell you the truth,” replied Sam. “The first time is great. But the second time I start to sweat something terrible.”

    The doctor said, “Just a second. The second time? At your age? At eighty-five? That’s remarkable.” He excused himself and went out to Sam’s wife in the waiting room.

    “Ma’am, I have to ask you this. I was asking your husband how his sex life is, and he said the first time was great, but the second time he starts to sweat something terrible.”

    “He wouldn’t lie to you,” responded the old woman. “In January, it’s cold. In July, it’s hot.”

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  • The Pianist At The Party

    A man at a party was impressed by the pianist. He went up to him after everyone was leaving and asked if he would play at his own gathering the next weekend. The pianist obliged.

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    When he began playing at the man’s party, however, the pianist sounded much worse than the previous weekend. Sensing this was agitating his guests, the man pulled him aside.

    ‘What’s going on? You sounded so good last week, but this is terrible!’ the man exclaimed.

    ‘I’m really sorry,’ the pianist replied. ‘It’s just that I really need to go to the bathroom.’

    ‘For God’s sake, alright, go quickly, and when you get back try and play something everyone likes!’ the man said.

    About twenty minutes passed, and the pianist returned. He sat down at the piano and cracked his knuckles. Everyone at the party turned to look at him.

    ‘Any requests?’ the pianist asked.

    One of the guests raised his hand.

    ‘Do you know you have shit-stained toilet paper hanging out the back of your trousers?’

    ‘No…’ the pianist replied, ‘but if you hum it, I’ll give it a go!’

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  • Luigi’s Work Around Town

    Luigi is taking his new apprentice through town, showing him all he’s done. They start at a lovely bridge that spans a river. The craftsman points, “Luigi did this service for the town. Luigi chose strong timbers for the span, made sure all was sound and secure. Do they call me Luigi the Bridge Maker? No!”

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    They went to the docks, where Luigi pointed to the ships. “Luigi laid these keels, squared timbers, and made sure boards fit perfect. Do they call me Luigi the Shipwright? No!”

    Finally, they went to a little shop where furniture was sold. “Luigi crafted these tables and set the joints that they might serve a family for generations. Do they call me Luigi the Carpenter? No!”

    “But you fuck ONE goat…”

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