Format: narrative

Narrative comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Grandpa’s Sexual Decline Through the Years

    A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him, “When you first get married, you want it all the time…and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year…maybe on your anniversary.”

    The young fellow then asked his grandfather, “Well, how about you and Grandma now?”

    His grandfather replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex.”

    “What’s oral sex?” the young fellow asked.

    “Well,” Grandpa said, “she goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, ‘Screw You,’ and I holler back, ‘Screw You too!’”

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  • Panties on the Ceiling

    Melissa came home late from her date. She was tired, so on her way to her bedroom she threw her coat over a dining room chair, threw her purse into the kitchen table, and just threw her clothes all over her bedroom floor without a care.

    Next morning at breakfast her mother asked if she had a good time last night.

    “Oh yeah” she said, “the best ever”

    “I thought so” said mom, “your panties are still stuck to the ceiling”

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  • Neckwear for an Octopus

    When choosing neckwear for an octopus, a bow tie is the way to go. A long tie is just likely to get tangled in the tentacles. Plus, most octopi believe that a bow tie makes them look like eccentric intellectuals rather than slimy cephalopods.

  • Two Gay Men Have A Happy Baby

    Two gay gentlemen decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the gays’ delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

    Brad exclaims. “All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.”

    The nurse says, “He’s happy now. But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.”

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  • That Big Ape Hasn’t Called

    Two gay gentlemen were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillas and after a while they noticed that the huge male gorilla had a massive erection. This fascinated the gay men so much they couldn’t take their eyes off of it.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    One of the men just couldn’t bear it any longer and he reached into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabbed him, dragged him into the cage and screwed him for six hours non-stop. When he was done, the gorilla threw the gay man back out of the cage.

    An ambulance was called and the man was taken away to the hospital. The next day his friend visits him in the hospital and asked, “Are you hurt?”

    “AM I HURT?” he shouted, “Wouldn’t you be? That big ape hasn’t called, he hasn’t written…”

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  • Anal Fetish Scam

    The Australian police have been unable to recommend prosecution for a clever scam involving a fake pornographic video company. The company places newspaper advertisements offering imported hard-core pornographic videos at reasonable prices, encouraging people to place orders and make payments via check.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    After several weeks, the company sends a letter explaining that due to current laws, they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. They return their customers’ money in the form of a company check.

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  • Fireman’s Home Alarm System Gets Misused

    A fireman was talking to his wife and told her “We have this really good system down at the station. One bell means that we all grab our gear, two bells means that we all slide down the pole, and three bells means that we all board the fire engine and leave. So that’s what we’re going to do around here. When I say one bell, I want you to take off all of your clothes. When I say two bells, I want you to get in the bed. When I say three bells, we start screwing.”

    Later on that night, the fireman said one bell, and his wife began to disrobe.

    Then, he said two bells, and his wife jumped into the bed.

    Then, he said three bells, and they began to screw.

    After a couple of minutes, his wife said “four bells.”

    The fireman said “What’s that mean?”

    She said “The fire is not out and I need more hose!”

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  • Wetting My Fingers to Turn the Pages

    There was this couple in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on and read a book. As he was reading he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling with her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.

    The wife then got up and started stripping off in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, “What are you doing taking all your gear off?”

    The wife replied, “You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier.”

    The husband said, “No, not at all.”

    The wife then asked, “Well, what were you doing then?”

    “Oh,” he said, “I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book!”

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  • 500 Votes Per Boob

    Well, another election in my household has passed and the results are in: The Sex-Every-Sunday Referendum was defeated soundly, 1000-1. I knew agreeing to the 500-vote-per-boob Electoral College would come back to haunt me.

  • Smoking Cessation Plan Backfires Spectacularly

    I knew a girl at work once who was truly concerned about her husband’s smoking. She told me that she had finally gotten him to agree to limit his smoking at home to only those times when they had finished making love.

    She had gotten the idea from a classic movie they had both seen on TV called “Cold Turkey.”

    After about a week, I asked her how it was going.

    “Well, not too bad,” she said, getting up off of a pillow she had in her chair and limping towards the photocopy machine.

    “I’ve gotten him down to about a pack a night now.”

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