I’ll never forget my grandfather’s last words to me.
“Stop shaking the ladder, you fucking twat!”
Format: short
Short comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Husbands, if your wife does something wrong
Husbands, if your wife does something wrong, just explain to her how your mom did it.
She will appreciate your advice and strive to do it as she did.
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The Bank Robbery and the Triplets
So a lady walks into a bank, and right when she gets into the bank it gets held up, and she gets shot three times in the stomach, and she’s pregnant, so that’s no good.
She’s rushed to the hospital and they fix her up. As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor says, “Oh! You’re going to have triplets. Don’t worry, they’ll be just fine, but each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach. Don’t worry though, the bullets will pass through their system through normal metabolism.”
As time goes on the woman has three children, two girls and a boy.
Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her mother and says, “Mommy, a very weird thing just happened to me. I was going to the bathroom and a bullet dropped into the toilet.” The woman comforts her and tells her what happened at the bank.
A couple weeks later, the other daughter comes up and goes, “Mom, I was in the bathroom and I heard a ping and there was a bullet there.”
The mother goes, “Honey, don’t worry,” and tells her about the bank.
A month later the son comes in and says, “Mommy, I’ve done a very bad thing!”
“You passed a bullet into the toilet, didn’t you?”
“No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog.”
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The Teddy Bear Collection
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk, they laugh, and really hit it off.
Before long, they decide to go back to his place.
As he shows her around his apartment, she notices something unusual in his bedroom… an entire wall covered in soft, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three long shelves filled from end to end.
The bottom shelf is lined with small teddy bears.
The middle shelf holds medium-sized bears.
And the top shelf is packed with huge, oversized teddy bears.
She can tell he spent a lot of time arranging them just right.
For such a masculine-looking guy, the display surprises her—but she also finds it sweet and endearing.
She doesn’t say anything, but she’s impressed by his sensitive side.
They share a bottle of wine, talk for hours, and the more they talk, the more she thinks, “Oh my… this man might actually be the one. He could even be the father of my future children.”
They start kissing. The chemistry is strong. Soon he sweeps her into his arms and carries her to the bedroom.
After an intense night of passion, they lie together, catching their breath.
She gently strokes his chest, smiles, and asks softly, “Well… how was it?”
He smiles back, brushes her cheek, looks lovingly into her eyes and says, “Help yourself to any prize… from the middle shelf.”
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The Adult Toy Shop and the Checkered Thermos
The owner of an adult toy shop was training his new employee on the rules, how things worked, and the price list of their products.
“The only items without price tags are the dildos kept behind the cashier counter.
The white ones are $10, and the black ones are $25.
Everything else in the store already has the price marked on it.
Now, I’m heading out for a bit to take care of something important. I’ll be back in about an hour or two.”
Business went smoothly for an hour, until finally a customer asked about the items kept behind the counter.
“How much are those toys?”
“The white ones are $10, and the black ones are $25.”
“Oh, those are nice! How much is that one with the checkered pattern?”
Thinking quickly on his feet, the employee replied, “That one is $200.”
“SOLD! I’ll take it!”
An hour later, the owner returned and asked how business had been while he was gone.
“It was booming, Boss! I managed to sell five of the white ones and ten of the black ones. And I also got $200 for that checkered thermos of yours you had sitting back there!”
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Billy Ray and the Bottom Deodorant
Billy Ray walks into Walgreens and asks the pharmacist for some “Bottom deodorant” for his bottom.
“Sorry, we don’t sell bottom deodorant,” the pharmacist replies, trying to keep from laughing.
“Yeah but I always buy it here,” Billy Ray says. “I bought one last month. My wife gets hers from here too!”
Curious, the pharmacist suggests, “Look, I don’t know what y’all bought before, but maybe you can bring in the empty one of what y’all had next time you come in.”
“Sure thing,” Billy Ray says. “I’ll bring it in tomorrow.”
The next day, Billy Ray walks into Walgreens again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick.
“This is just a normal deodorant,” the man tells Billy Ray. “To use under your arms.”
“Oh no it is not,” Billy Ray answers. “Look here where it says: TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.”
