Format: short

Short comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • An artist needed glasses…

    An artist needed glasses, but like many artists, she didn’t have health insurance.

    An ophthalmologist who admired her work offered a deal: he’d cover the cost of everything except the office visit if she’d paint a mural in his waiting room.

    Two weeks later, the artist had her new glasses and spent the weekend painting the mural. On Monday, the doctor and his staff arrived, eager to see what she’d created.

    The artist proudly ushered them in. Every wall was covered with eyes — some open, some closed, some long-lashed, in shades of brown, blue, green, and hazel. One even had a single teardrop.

    “So,” asked the artist, “what do you think?”

    The doctor paused, looked around the room, and said, “I think I’m glad I’m not a gynecologist.”

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  • Somebody’s gonna get some tonight!

    A woman had a male parrot for a pet, but he always embarrassed her whenever she brought a man home. As soon as she walked in with someone, the parrot would squawk, “Somebody’s gonna get some tonight! Somebody’s gonna get some tonight!”

    Finally, in desperation, the woman went to her local pet shop and asked the owner for advice.

    “You need a female parrot to keep him company,” said the proprietor. “I can order one for you. In the meantime, you can borrow this female owl until she arrives.”

    The woman took the owl home and placed it near her parrot. The parrot just stared at the owl in silence.

    That night, she brought a gentleman friend back to her apartment. As soon as they walked in, the parrot screeched, “Somebody’s gonna get some tonight! Somebody’s gonna get some tonight!”

    The owl blinked and asked, “Who? Who?”

    And the parrot shouted, “Not you, you big-eyed bitch!”

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  • Three men find a harem

    Three guys were traveling through Saudi Arabia when they accidentally stumbled into a harem tent filled with over a hundred beautiful women.

    They started getting friendly with the women when suddenly the Sheik burst in and shouted, “I am the master of all these women! No one else may touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you’ve done. Your punishment will correspond to your profession.”

    He turned to the first man and asked, “What do you do for a living?”

    “I’m a cop,” the first man said.

    “Then we will shoot your penis off!” declared the Sheik.

    Next, he turned to the second man. “And you?”

    “I’m a fireman.”

    “Then we will burn your penis off!”

    Finally, the Sheik turned to the third man. “And what do you do for a living?”

    The third man grinned and said, “I’m a lollipop salesman.”

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  • Princess No More: An Alliance in Love

    My last girlfriend demanded to be treated as a princess.
    Boy was she mad when I married her off to secure an alliance with France.

  • A guy finds an old lamp

    A guy is walking along a beach and finds an old lamp.

    He rubs it, and a genie pops out. The genie says, “I can grant you three wishes, but there’s a catch: your ex-wife gets double whatever you ask for.”

    The man thinks and says, “For my first wish, I’d like a billion dollars.”

    The genie snaps his fingers. “Done. You have a billion dollars, and your ex-wife has two billion.”

    The man says, “For my second wish, I’d like a fleet of the world’s finest sports cars.”

    The genie snaps his fingers. “Done. You have ten Ferraris, and your ex-wife has twenty.”

    The man pauses, looking very thoughtful. Finally, he says, “For my third wish… I’d like to donate one of my kidneys.”

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  • Gary got beat up

    John runs into his old friend Gary, who looks like he’s been beaten by a thousand fists.
    Now Gary is the nicest guy ever; it’s hard to imagine anyone getting mad at him, let alone beating him so savagely.
    I asked, “What happened?!?!”
    He explained, “Well, I was on the escalator, and the lady in front of me was wearing a pretty skirt, but it had bunched up between her cheeks, so I gently pulled it out. Then she turned around and slapped me.”
    “Wow! Maybe you should have just let it be, but it looks like you got more than just slapped.”
    “I know! I knew I messed up, and I felt bad, so when she turned around, I started poking it back in…”

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  • From Chicken to Commitment: A Love Story

    Five years ago I started a game of Gay Chicken with my friend.
    Now we own a dog together, we moved to Vermont to start a cute little bed and breakfast, and we’re thinking of adopting a kid. If he doesn’t give up soon, I think he might actually be gay.

  • Cheese Wheel Tragedy: A Wedding Day Disaster

    A wedding photographer was today tragically crushed by a 200lb wheel of cheese that fell off the catering truck.
    The guests all tried to warn him.

  • How is he?

    “Doctor, how is he?”

    “Well, he’s had a massive heart attack, and also sustained some bone fractures.”

    “Can I talk to him?”

    “No, unfortunately, that’s not possible right now. But if you want to tell him anything, I can pass it along.”

    “Could you ask him if I passed my driving test?”

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  • Terrible venereal disease

    A guy gets a terrible venereal disease.

    Doctor: “Listen, I’ve got bad news, there’s no way we can save your genitals. You’ll need to get them amputated.”

    Patient: “I demand a second opinion.”

    Doctor 2: “Oh yeah, my colleague is way off base, no need to amputate.”

    Patient: “Whew, thank you!”

    Doctor 2: “Yeah, if you just wait a few weeks it’ll fall off on its own.”

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