I was putting on my shoes when my hands were full and I had to sort of artfully slip my heel in several times until it felt just right. That’s when I thought to myself: This is a lot like fucking.
Joke Type: comparative
Comparative jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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So which is worse: Telling your wife that her 86-year-old great
So which is worse: Telling your wife that her 86-year-old great aunt “accidentally” touched your junk when you were pity-dancing with her at the wedding reception, or that you cut off your johnson with a plastic knife in the reception hall’s bathroom in order to make sure such a nightmarish vignette never plays out again?
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(Roman Meeks) I like my bloody marys like I like my women: with
(Roman Meeks) I like my bloody marys like I like my women: with a little pickle in ’em!
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Want to impress your architect girlfriend? Shave your pubes to
Want to impress your architect girlfriend? Shave your pubes to look like the buildings surrounding the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
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“conditions in the time it takes to rub one out
“conditions in the time it takes to rub one out.”
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Ruminations are a lot like farts: You always like your own the best
Ruminations are a lot like farts: You always like your own the best.
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(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives.
(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives. Today I’m grateful for the 99.9% of the time my anus knows the difference between a gas and another state of matter.
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Isn’t it funny that the grandmother in “Little Red Riding Hood”
Isn’t it funny that the grandmother in “Little Red Riding Hood” was upset about being eaten by the wolf? There are people who strategically place peanut butter on their genitalia to try to entice the same effect out of household pets. Just sayin’.
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They say it is better to be pissed off than to be pissed on. I
They say it is better to be pissed off than to be pissed on. I don’t know about that — it probably depends on your particular fetish.
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I’m a lot like Sheryl Crow, ’cause all I wanna do is have some
I’m a lot like Sheryl Crow, ’cause all I wanna do is have some fun. I don’t, however, want to bang that bike-racing dude with one nut.
