Joke Type: comparative

Comparative jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

engagement rings was updated. My vote goes for basing it on the

engagement rings was updated. My vote goes for basing it on the breast cup size of the fiancee. And if they’re fake? Cubic zirconia. Fair is fair.
I think that what really separates women from men is the

I think that what really separates women from men is the unhampered ability to spend all day looking down at a pair of tits.
If they can’t invent a pill that makes a penis longer, can they

If they can’t invent a pill that makes a penis longer, can they maybe invent one that makes a vagina shallower?
At parties, people always ask doctors to look at their rash,

At parties, people always ask doctors to look at their rash, plumbers to look at their clogged drain, or investment bankers for stock tips. I wonder if porn stars have people pestering them at parties to pretend to deliver pizza or make that fuck-face look they all do on the DVD covers. I know I would.
Don’t you hate it when you’re masturbating to Christine

Don’t you hate it when you’re masturbating to Christine O’Donnell and just about to cum and Rosie O’Donnell pops into your head?
I have a feeling that if a company ever marketed a product

I have a feeling that if a company ever marketed a product called “Bag o’ Titties,” guys would find a way to sneak one into the shopping cart.
Those taking the similes quiz at home will remember we asked you

Those taking the similes quiz at home will remember we asked you to finish the following: a) As old as _____. b) As heavy as _____. c) As cold as _____. The correct answers are as follows: a) shit. b) shit. c) fuck.
“You have nothing to lose but inches!” certainly worked better

“You have nothing to lose but inches!” certainly worked better with girdle sales than it does with penis enhancement products.
There’s a sucker born every minute, but there’s an asshole born

There’s a sucker born every minute, but there’s an asshole born every 30 seconds.
Bet there’d be a lot less loose change on the ground if the

Bet there’d be a lot less loose change on the ground if the saying went: “Find a penny, pick it up, And all the day you’ll get to fuck.”