Joke Type: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

I’ve been getting a lot of “but sex” lately. Women I date say,

I’ve been getting a lot of “but sex” lately. Women I date say, “I like you and all, but sex…”
I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture

I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture business, but every time I call a prospective customer and ask if they want to see my stool samples, they just gasp and hang up.
I’m going to get a dog and name it MyRack. Then I can walk

I’m going to get a dog and name it MyRack. Then I can walk around the neighborhood yelling, “Has anyone seen MyRack?” and see which guys dare to answer.
My wet T-shirt contests are popular, but my wet underpants

My wet T-shirt contests are popular, but my wet underpants contests are becoming legendary.
Word to the wise: The line “Honey, I hurt my penis — can you

Word to the wise: The line “Honey, I hurt my penis — can you kiss it and make it better?” should be used very sparingly. Sooner or later you’re going to lose your balance mountainbiking and bang it against the gooseneck, giving you a good 10 minutes of intense sharp pain, after which you’ll return home and she’ll be all “I’m not falling for that again!”
I have Bieber Feber! Wait… I’m sorry, I hab a code. When I say

I have Bieber Feber! Wait… I’m sorry, I hab a code. When I say “Bieber,” I mean “bagina.”
I really enjoy writing my Ruminations while totally naked. But

I really enjoy writing my Ruminations while totally naked. But the manager at Burger King keeps telling me it’s a health code violation.
Last time I was in Vegas, what I *asked* for was directions to

Last time I was in Vegas, what I *asked* for was directions to the quarter slots. What I ended up with was a two-bit hooker.
(Daina Schatz / @dsschatz) My wife promised me a hummer for my

(Daina Schatz / @dsschatz) My wife promised me a hummer for my birthday, so I was very disappointed to find a $50,000 SUV in my driveway.
My boyfriend got really excited when I whispered, “Someone’s

My boyfriend got really excited when I whispered, “Someone’s getting anal tonight.” Unfortunately for him, I was referring to his mom’s meticulousness in the kitchen.