Sensitivity: Uncensored

Uncensored humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Miracle Pill Transforms Bedroom Performance Overnight

    A woman walks into her sex therapist’s office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and they never have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it. The therapist tells her that she has an experimental drug that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the morning and tell her what happened.

    The next day, the woman comes in ecstatic telling the therapist that the pill worked and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the therapist says she doesn’t know, but to go ahead and try it.

    The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would happen if she gave him five pills. The therapist says she doesn’t know, but to go ahead and try it.

    The next day, the woman comes in limp but happy, and tells the therapist that the sex just keeps getting better and what would happen if she gave her husband the rest of the bottle. The therapist says she doesn’t know; it’s an experimental drug and she doesn’t know what a full bottle could do to a person. Anyway, the woman leaves the therapist’s office and puts the rest of the bottle of pills in the husband’s morning coffee.

    A week later, a boy walks into the therapist’s office and says: “Are you the dumb fuck who gave my mother a bottle of experimental pills?”

    “Why, yes, young man, I did. Why?”

    “Well, mom’s dead, my sister’s pregnant, my ass hurts, and dad’s sittin’ in the corner going ‘Here, kitty, kitty, kitty…’”

  • Settling Out of Court on the Golf Course

    Two queers were enjoying a pleasant round of golf when a foursome of Hell’s Angels began hitting into them from behind. One queer finally becomes angry and turns to his partner,”If those big bad boys hit into us one more time, Seymour, you fall down and act like the ball hit you very very hard in the head. We’ll just sue those naughty boys.”

    Sure enough, next hole they drove the ball directly into the gay twosome. “Now, Seymour, now! Fall down. Well show them…”

    The Angels walk up to the standing and lying queer and say, “What the hell’s going on here?”

    “You just hurt my friend Seymour really bad, and we’re going to get a lawyer and sue you….how do you like that?”

    The Angel replies, “Oh Blow Me!”

    The queer exclaims, “Seymour, Seymour, get up! They want to settle out of court!”

  • Fuzz versus Tits: A Street Corner Debate

    Two prostitutes are standing on a street corner. One says to the other, “Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”

    The other replies, “No, but I’ve been swung around by the tits!”

  • Dirty Riddles and Cheeky One-Liners

    How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
    Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

    What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
    “How come?”

    What’s the definition of a teenager?
    God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

    Did you hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
    They’ll never see you coming.

    What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
    S&M;&M.;

    What does Kodak film have in common with a condom?
    They both capture that special moment.

    Define Transvestite:
    A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

    Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
    The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

    What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
    A scrotum pole!

    What’s the ultimate in rejection?
    When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

    Why don’t debutantes go to orgies?
    There’d be too many thank you notes to write.

    What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
    Two Mennonite!

    Why is sex like a game of bridge?
    If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.

    Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
    Is it in?

    What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
    A bingo machine.

    What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
    One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

  • Location-Based Orgasms: A Punny Guide

    Situations you may find yourself in, and the orgasms you may encounter…

    Sex in a boat – oar-gasms.

    Sex with a nerd – dork-gasms.

    Sex at the entrance to your house – door-gasms.

    Sex on carpet or linoleum – floor-gasms.

    Sex at the supermarket – store-gasms.

    Sex at a Steven King Movie – horror-gasms.

    Sex with a prostitute – whore-gasms.

    Sex with an accountant – bore-gasms.

    Sex while sleeping – snore-gasms.

    Sex with ‘Arthur’ – Dudley Moore-gasms.

    Sex with cartoon donkeys – Eyeore-gasms.

    Sex while broke – poor-gasms.

    Sex with a lion – roar-gasms.

    Sex for hours and hours on end – sore-gasms.

    Sex on a golf course – fore-gasms.

    Sex with a nymphomaniac (or Ritzi) – more-gasms.

    Sex in a gold mine – ore-gasms.

    Sex with a dermatologist – pore-gasms.

    Sex with a politician – Al Gore-gasms.

    Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers – s’more-gasms.

    Sex with a bullfighter – toreador-gasms.

    Sex with a masked man carrying a sword – zorro-gasms.

    Sex on the beach – shore-gasms.

    Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet – smorgasbord-gasms.

    Sex on a cruise ship deck – shuffleboard-gasms.

    Sex in asia – Singapore-gasms.

    Sex among the wonders of nature – outdoor-gasms.

    Sex in the vicinity of a garbage can – odor-gasms.

    Sex on the way to the train – ‘All Aboard’-gasms.

    Sex that wasn’t very satisfying – ‘There’s the door’-gasms.

    Sex in an adult theater – hard-core-gasms.

    Sex with someone who’s not paying attention – ignore-gasms.

    Sex with a competitive partner – score-gasms.

    Sex while flying – soar-gasms.

    Sex with a beloved partner – adore-gasms.

    Sex with a meat-eater – carnivore-gasms.

    Sex with a person who’s got a really bad hairdo – pompadore-gasms.

    Sex with someone who’s got bad taste in clothes – velour-gasms.

    Sex while travelling – tour-gasms.

    Sex with a big dog – labrador-gasms.

    Sex with Beavis and Butthead – ‘GonnaScore’-gasms.

    Sex on stairs at the mall – escalator-gasms.

    Sex with three of your friends – four-gasms.

    Sex with a norse God – Thor-gasms.

    Sex when resistance is futile – Borg-gasms.

  • Makes Your Day

    Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

    A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

  • Roommate’s Setup: Nature Takes Its Course

    A certain virginal and shy college freshman was lucky to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate was quick to offer to set him up with a blonde who’d made the rounds of the campus.

    “Just take this bimbo out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course,” he explained reassuringly. “This girl knows what the score is, and she’s even a natural blonde.” The roommate arranged the date as promised.

    The freshman was delighted by his cute, outgoing companion and they spent the evening dining and dancing. On the way home he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in a cold sweat, and blurted out, “Gosh, I sure would love to have a little pussy.”

    “I would too,” sighed the blonde, “Mine’s the size of a goddamn milk pail.”

  • Virgin’s Unexpected Reaction to Creative Compromise

    A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a virgin and wants to stay that way.

    “Well, OK,” he says, “how about a blow job?”

    “EEEEyyyyyyeeeewwwwwww!” she screams. “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”

    He says, “Well, then, how about a hand job?”

    “I’ve never done that,” she says. “What do I have to do?”

    “Well,” he answers, “remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?”

    She nods.

    “Well, it’s just like that.”

    So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.

    “What’s wrong?!” she cries out.

    “TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!!!!!!”

  • Samuel L Jackson 5

    Samuel L Jackson 5

    Featuring some of their greatest hits

    1. I’ll Be There Motherfucker

    2. ABC Motherfucker

    3. Dancing Motherfucking Machine

    4. Motherfucker I Want You Back

    The Samuel L. Jackson 5

    Ezekiel 25:17

    FutherMuckin Management

    Hollywood, California

    WB RECORDS

  • Quiet Night Interrupted by Unexpected Audience

    This guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is about 9 years old. One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his gal climb up to the top bunk.

    As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper, “lettuce” if she wants it harder and “tomato” if she wants a new position. “Lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, pull it out,”

    She screams out…”I can’t get pregnant…aaahhhhhhhh”!

    Then the little brother chimes in, “Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there, you’re getting mayonnaise all over my face.”