Why don’t blind people like to skydive?
Because it scares the dog.
Meh Thoughts
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I didn’t think it hurt that much
I said to my wife, “They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience…”
“Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn’t think it hurt that much.” -
Parking fine
A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I’d positioned my car correctly…
It said, “Parking fine.” So that was nice. -
A Ford Oar two-door
Ford should make a coupe and call it the Oar.
It’d be a Ford Oar two-door. -
Those are just contractions
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.” -
He gave me a blank stair
When I told my contractor that I didn’t want any carpeted steps, he just gave me a blank stair.
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Toast the bride and groom
Two slices of bread got married.
The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom. -
I can’t do anything about it
The company I work for is knowingly making defective whistles.
I can’t do anything about it. -
I would appreciate it as a worm
In my will, I’ve stated that I want my coffin to be made of aluminum foil and my body to be dipped in caramel and chocolate. I know that if I were someday reincarnated as a worm, I would appreciate it if someone had thought of that.
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One of your snakes is digesting a rat
The worst part about being Medusa wouldn’t be turning people to stone on sight, but rather the unavoidable bad-hair days when one of your snakes is digesting a rat.
