Well, I guess I’m not going to host a foreign exchange student after all. Here’s a tip: You don’t want to specifically ask to get a sexy uninhibited Italian girl with huge tits. That seems to raise a red flag with the interviewers.
Tone: darkly humorous
Darkly humorous humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Nothing takes the sexy out of a fresh set of bed sheets faster
Nothing takes the sexy out of a fresh set of bed sheets faster than a schmear of butt-mustard left behind by the cat.
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They say you never forget the name of your first love. Mine was
They say you never forget the name of your first love. Mine was Asshole O’Douchebag.
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They say a dog’s sense of smell is thousands of times better
They say a dog’s sense of smell is thousands of times better than that of a human. If that’s the case, why do dogs have to get their nose so damn close when sniffing each others butts?
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While I was traveling for work, my wife called to excitedly tell
While I was traveling for work, my wife called to excitedly tell me that she was expecting at least eight inches overnight. I hope she was only talking about snow.
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Sometimes you witness something so utterly amazing and
Sometimes you witness something so utterly amazing and emotionally moving that you can’t help from screaming out, “Holy shit! That dog is licking his own balls!”
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I think God made a deal with cats and dogs. They got the ability
I think God made a deal with cats and dogs. They got the ability to lick their privates in exchange for having to lick their own butts clean.
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Today’s lesson: “Right” versus “correct” Wife: “What are you
Today’s lesson: “Right” versus “correct” Wife: “What are you thinking about right now?” RIGHT answer: “Not much. just how much I love you.” CORRECT answer: “How much I love you giving it to Taylor Swift with a Hello Kitty strap-on in a kiddie pool full of tapioca pudding in my fantasies.”
