I hate it when my Ruminations get demoted to the lesser-read filthy list just because at the very end some chick gets titty-fucked.
Tone: darkly humorous
Darkly humorous humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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While I appreciate the tribe welcoming me into their fold, I
While I appreciate the tribe welcoming me into their fold, I knew I was in for a long night when they put me up in a wigwam with Splayed with Aching Clitoris.
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Wal-Mart greeters told on me and got me fired
Wal-Mart greeters told on me and got me fired.
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Money is tight everywhere, but there are some things are worth
Money is tight everywhere, but there are some things are worth paying more for. For example, I got this DVD titled “Mothers I Guess I Probably Would Be Willing to Fuck If I Couldn’t Do Any Better And Was Really Drunk And Knew None of My Friends Would Ever Find Out About It.” Surprisingly, it was just awful. That’s the last time I buy porn at the dollar store.
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If they can’t invent a pill that makes a penis longer, can they
If they can’t invent a pill that makes a penis longer, can they maybe invent one that makes a vagina shallower?
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I should have known this was a porn restaurant when they gave me
I should have known this was a porn restaurant when they gave me a peanut fluffer and K-Y Jelly sandwich.
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If I masturbated any more, I’d be a teenage boy. A hot, muscled,
If I masturbated any more, I’d be a teenage boy. A hot, muscled, hard-bodied teenaged boy. Uh, BRB…
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My girlfriend has the best tits EVER. Don’t take my word for it
My girlfriend has the best tits EVER. Don’t take my word for it — ask her husband.
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Life lesson: Never play Naked Quarters if you don’t know what’s
Life lesson: Never play Naked Quarters if you don’t know what’s in the glass your friends refer to as “The Money Shot.”
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I sure hope Rapunzel’s carpet didn’t match the drapes in length,
I sure hope Rapunzel’s carpet didn’t match the drapes in length, because she’d never find pants that fit.
