When I was getting my physical, at one point the doctor told me I’d feel a small prick.
Definitely the last thing you want to hear before a prostate exam.
Tone: darkly humorous
Darkly humorous humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Leprechaun Wish at the World Cup
England had made the FIFA World Cup final, but poor Nigel was absolutely gutted. Due to a spate of bad financial luck, he had to cancel his plans to travel across the pond and cheer on his countrymen in person.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.Unleash Chaos -
Some Really Terrible Things for Money
In my day, I’ve done some really terrible things for money.
Like getting up early to go to work.
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Boat for Sale
An old woman goes to the newspaper office after her husband died.
She says to the person at the front desk that she needs to get an obituary published for her husband.
She gets brought into an office and is asked what she wants the obituary to say.
The woman thinks and says, “Fred Smith died.”
The reporter looks at her and says, “Ma’am, you can have it say more than that if you want.”
So the little old lady thinks for a second and says, “Fred Smith died. Boat for sale.”
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Theyre Looking for Us With Lanterns
Jack and John went camping. After setting up their tent and relaxing for a while, it got dark and suddenly they were surrounded by mosquitoes. So they quickly got inside the tent and hid under the blanket.
After some time, Jack decided to peek outside. He lifted the blanket and slightly opened the tent door, only to see a bunch of fireflies glowing outside.
He immediately jumped back under the blanket and whispered to John:
“Don’t go out… they’re looking for us with lanterns.”
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Damn Autocorrect
A man received the following text from his neighbor:
“I am so sorry, Bob. I’m riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been using your wife for many weeks now. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I hope you will accept my sincerest apology and my promise that it won’t happen again.”
The heartbroken man, enraged, went into his bedroom, grabbed his wife, and threw her out the back door. Then he locked the door. A few moments later, a second text came in:
“Damn autocorrect. I meant WiFi, not wife.”
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The Blue Silk Pajamas
A man calls home to his wife and says:
“Honey, I’ve been invited to go fishing in Scotland with my boss and some of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week.
This is a great chance for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so could you pack me enough clothes for a week, set out my rod and tackle box, and I’ll swing by the house to pick everything up.
Oh, and please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”
The wife thinks it sounds a little fishy, but being a good wife, she does exactly as he asked.
The following weekend he returns home a bit tired but otherwise in good spirits.
The wife asks, “Did you catch many fish?”
“Loads,” he says. “Salmon, brown trout, a few pike. But why didn’t you pack my blue silk pajamas like I asked?”
The wife replies, “I did. They were in your tackle box.”
