Light Hearted Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Les McBurney

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo…
I had to put my foot down.

11/11

SABOTEN

I said to my son, “I need a battery so I can tell the time.”

He asked, “Is it for a clock?”

I answered, “I don’t know. That’s why I need the battery!”

I had to break up with my neurosurgeon girlfriend. She was messing with my head.

I really want to break up with my jazz musician girlfriend, but I can’t.

The sax is too good.

Someone just called my phone and sneezed, coughed, and then hung up.

I’m getting sick of these cold calls.

I was told I could look at the eclipse through a colander.

I tried it, but it strained my eyes.

couple: “can you take our picture?”

me: “sure. can you move a little to your right? a little more. perfect.”