I accidentally took my cat’s medication last night.
Don’t ask meow.
Light-hearted humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
I accidentally took my cat’s medication last night.
Don’t ask meow.
Why would you invite two Mormons to go fishing?
Because if you only invite one, they’ll drink all your beer.
Girl walks into a tattoo shop and asks for Elvis on one thigh and Johnny Cash on the other…
Tattoo artist says alright let’s get to work, but I’m gonna need you to take off your pants so they don’t get ink on them. After a few hours he finishes both tattoos. she looks in the mirror and freaks out. “These don’t look like Elvis or Johnny at all” she says, crying.
Sure they do, says the artist. Here I’ll prove it. The artist goes outside and grabs a man standing on the corner and brings him into the shop and asks who are the people in these tattoos? The man looks intently and after a couple mins says, “I don’t know who that is on the left and I don’t know who that is on the right, but the one in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson!”
You say “toh-MAY-toh,” I say “toh-MAH-toh.”
You say “soothing lotion for breastfeeding mothers,” I say “boob lube.”
This is why you shouldn’t let me write the shopping list.