Tone: light-hearted

Light-hearted humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Dorm Dilemma: The Cost of Curiosity

    On the first day of college, the dean is making his initial address to the incoming student body and going over some of the rules.

    “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory is out-of-bounds for all female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule a second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?”

    “Yeah,” says a guy in the back. “How much for a season pass?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Psychology at the Bar: Unexpected Reactions

    A good-looking young guy watches an attractive woman at a bar for some time, then approaches her in a quiet, shy manner and suggests they sit together, chat, and have a drink.

    The woman exclaims loudly, “I’m not sleeping with you! Get lost!”

    The guy, completely embarrassed, returns to his seat.

    After a while, the woman approaches him, smiles sweetly, apologizes for being rude, and explains that she’s studying psychology and wanted to see how people behave in these types of situations. Now she’d be happy to have a drink and chat with him.

    To which the guy shouts loudly, “Five hundred dollars? Get lost, slut!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Hammering Home the Ethics

    After attending ethics training, Bob went up to his boss.

    “Boss,” he said, “that ethics training has me feeling bad about us doing product testing on animals.”

    The boss replied, “But Bob, this is an accepted practice, and many shampoo and cosmetics manufacturers test their products on animals.”

    Bob responded, “Yeah, but we make hammers!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Shoe: The Sneezing Leather Mystery!

    What’s made out of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
    A Shoe!

  • Musical Peas vs. Hummus Heroes!

    What’s the difference between Black Eyed Peas and chickpeas?
    Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song, while chickpeas can only hummus one.

  • One Hour of Pleasure, Lifetime of Questions!

    So it’s the first day of college, and the girls are finishing orientation with the Dean of Women.

    “In conclusion, ladies, if you get pregnant, you’ll likely have to drop out and miss out on many of your dreams. Think about it: is that one hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of commitment?”

    “Now,” the dean says, “are there any questions?”

    “Yeah,” says a voice from the back. “How do you make them last an hour?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Leashes and Revolutions: A Punny Comparison!

    What’s the difference between a dog leash and the French Revolution?
    One is a reign of terror, the other is a rein of terrier.

  • Lesbians and Mandates: A Rejection of Control

    Why don’t lesbians like being told what to do?
    They don’t like mandates.

  • Comfort in Comedy: The Elderly’s Wit

    An elderly Jewish man is walking down the street when he sudden slips and falls.

    People rush to help him, with one passer by rolling up his own coat to cradle the elderly Jewish man’s head.

    “Sir,” the man says. “We’re calling an ambulance. Are you comfortable?”

    The elderly Jewish man gives a weak shrug and says: “Eh. I make a living.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail