Why don’t lesbians like being told what to do?
They don’t like mandates.
Tone: light-hearted
Light-hearted humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Lesbians and Mandates: A Rejection of Control
-
Comfort in Comedy: The Elderly’s Wit
An elderly Jewish man is walking down the street when he sudden slips and falls.
People rush to help him, with one passer by rolling up his own coat to cradle the elderly Jewish man’s head.“Sir,” the man says. “We’re calling an ambulance. Are you comfortable?”
The elderly Jewish man gives a weak shrug and says: “Eh. I make a living.”
-
Zipped Up and Trucked Down!
I forgot to zip my pants today, so a lady politely told me, “Sir, your garage is open.”
I zipped them up and asked, “Did you see my monster truck parked inside?”
The lady smiled and said, “No, just one small Toyota with two flat tires…”
I’m still crying.
-
Dino Bones: Age is Just a Number
Some tourists at the Chicago Museum of Natural History were marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?”
The guard replies, “They are 73 million, four years, and six months old.”
“That’s an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?”
The guard answers, “Well, the dinosaur bones were seventy three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.”
-
Sell Drugs or Sell Logic: The Choice!
Two drug dealers are given a chance by a judge to avoid prison…
The judge tells them, “You guys don’t look like hardened criminals. I’ll give you a deal: I’m releasing you for 24 hours. Your job is to go out and convince as many people as possible to quit using drugs. If you’re successful, I’ll drop the charges. Come back tomorrow and report your numbers.”The next day, the first guy says, “Your Honor, I got 14 people to quit! I drew two circles: a big one and a tiny one. I told them the big one was their brain before drugs, and the tiny one was their brain after drugs.”
The judge is impressed. He turns to the second guy. “And you?”
“I got 165 people to quit, sir!”
The judge is stunned. “165?! Did you use the same ‘brain’ circles?”
“Sort of,” the guy says. “I pointed to the tiny circle and said, ‘Listen up, boys… this is what your asshole looks like before you go to prison.’”
